got a new skin for my blogger...cool isn't it?..just need to browse blogger.com to search for new skins...heh...it was really worth it..now that i know how to obtain new and cool skins...i'll change skins once a week!!..yeah right..i'm not that hardworking...
nuthing much today...just went out to pay the bills and everything...that's my job when i came back to malaysia..being the errand boy...well..what can i say...i'm the only one who is free at home..pay the bills, do the laundry, put my little nephew to sleep( and i'm getting good at it too ;) )...all those stuff..well, it's better than just sit around all day right?...and the profit is great..for instance..mom gives her atm card, told me to withdraw RM 1000 to pay the bill when the bill is only RM 600...the change is used for some groceries and stuff..so i end up with somewhat RM 200 change..and all of that went into my pocket..it's not stealing..my mom virtually gave it to me..she said clearly..pay the bills etc,etc,etc. and keep the change :p...hehe...life is good..for now..
When DEPRESSION is KICKING IN or when the MOOD for writing HITS...THIS is my SANCTUARY...call IT what you want but this is my HAVEN..I can WRITE what I want, when I want and how I want to...
Wednesday, June 23, 2004
Tuesday, June 22, 2004
coffee anyone?
i stumbled upon an interesting story about life and i thought that i should post it here...
A professor stood before his philosophy class
and had some items in front of him. When the
class began, wordlessly, he picked up a very
large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to
fill it with golf balls. He then asked the
students if the jar was full? They agreed that
it was.
So the professor then picked up a box of
pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook
the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the
open areas between the golf balls. He then asked
the students again if the jar was full. They
agreed it was. The professor next picked up a
box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of
course, the sand filled up everything else. He
asked once more if the jar was full. The
students responded with an unanimous "yes."
The professor then produced two mugs of coffee
from under the table and poured the entire
contents into the jar, effectively filling the
empty space between the sand. The students
laughed.
"Now," said the professor, as the laughter
subsided, "I want you to recognize that this jar
represents your life. The golf balls are the
important things--your family, your health, your
children, your friends, your favourite passions--
things that if everything else was lost and only
they remained, your life would still be full.
"The pebbles are the other things that matter
like your job, your house, your car. The sand is
everything else--the small stuff.
If you put the sand into the jar first," he
continued, "there is no room for the pebbles or
the golf balls. The same goes for life. If you
spend all your time and energy on the small
stuff, you will never have room for the things
that are important to you. Pay attention to the
things that are critical to your happiness. Play
with your children. Take time to get
medical checkups. Take your partner out to
dinner. Play another 18.
There will always be time to clean the house,
and fix the disposal.
"Take care of the golf balls first, the things
that really matter.. Set your priorities. The
rest is just sand."
One of the students raised her hand and
inquired what the coffee represented.
The professor smiled. "I'm glad you asked. It
just goes to show you that No matter how full
your life may seem, there's always room for a
couple cups of coffee."
~but my life seems too be empty...heh~
A professor stood before his philosophy class
and had some items in front of him. When the
class began, wordlessly, he picked up a very
large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to
fill it with golf balls. He then asked the
students if the jar was full? They agreed that
it was.
So the professor then picked up a box of
pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook
the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the
open areas between the golf balls. He then asked
the students again if the jar was full. They
agreed it was. The professor next picked up a
box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of
course, the sand filled up everything else. He
asked once more if the jar was full. The
students responded with an unanimous "yes."
The professor then produced two mugs of coffee
from under the table and poured the entire
contents into the jar, effectively filling the
empty space between the sand. The students
laughed.
"Now," said the professor, as the laughter
subsided, "I want you to recognize that this jar
represents your life. The golf balls are the
important things--your family, your health, your
children, your friends, your favourite passions--
things that if everything else was lost and only
they remained, your life would still be full.
"The pebbles are the other things that matter
like your job, your house, your car. The sand is
everything else--the small stuff.
If you put the sand into the jar first," he
continued, "there is no room for the pebbles or
the golf balls. The same goes for life. If you
spend all your time and energy on the small
stuff, you will never have room for the things
that are important to you. Pay attention to the
things that are critical to your happiness. Play
with your children. Take time to get
medical checkups. Take your partner out to
dinner. Play another 18.
There will always be time to clean the house,
and fix the disposal.
"Take care of the golf balls first, the things
that really matter.. Set your priorities. The
rest is just sand."
One of the students raised her hand and
inquired what the coffee represented.
The professor smiled. "I'm glad you asked. It
just goes to show you that No matter how full
your life may seem, there's always room for a
couple cups of coffee."
~but my life seems too be empty...heh~
Saturday, June 19, 2004
atas nama cinta...
hey...hey..hey...it's been awhile since i've written my last blog..don't know what to write..probably confused about the title ehh?...it's nothing...just a song that i love to hear from flop poopy..and there are other songs to that i think will be my favourites...one of them is hey mama by black eyed peas...that tune is wicked..i loved it...first time i heard it was when i was watching larry king live...the black eyed peas was performing on that show and the song that they played was hey mama...and i was eventually hooked...heh..tried to search for the lyrics on the net but didn't find them..oh well..just have to hear the song a zillion times to get it right heh...
my 3 months is almost up..and i have not found the answer to my problem...i have to find it fast...i don't have time..
~it feels like shit if time is not on your side~
"apa gunanya mata kalau tak dapat melihat?...apa gunanya hati kalau tak dapat menilai?"
"eyes are useless if you can't SEE what is going on...a heart is useless if you can't CHOOSE what is right for you"
my 3 months is almost up..and i have not found the answer to my problem...i have to find it fast...i don't have time..
~it feels like shit if time is not on your side~
"apa gunanya mata kalau tak dapat melihat?...apa gunanya hati kalau tak dapat menilai?"
"eyes are useless if you can't SEE what is going on...a heart is useless if you can't CHOOSE what is right for you"
Monday, June 14, 2004
bloody hell!!!
i'm just going to say 5 words...gerrard and heskey are stupid...england was leading until sven goran erikkson made a mistake(to me) by replacing rooney with heskey...that was just plain stupid...heskey should not be in the squad...he shouldn't be playing international soccer..he sucks..if it wasn't for his stupid challenge on zizou, england would have won the game...damn...but...all is not lost...pistons won the 4th game..stupid lakers..hahahaha...at least one of the team that i like won today..and that was ok to me...haha...
Sunday, June 13, 2004
Euro kickoff!!
euro 2004 has begun!!...and i was sleeping when greece humiliated portugal in front of their own fans 2-1...i wish i was there in front of the television to see all the action..sigh...oh well..tonight is when the real euro 2004 starts..england vs france...now that is a match worth staying up all night for...i will not miss this match..i hope england wins..don't like france...it's true they are one of the most skilled teams in the world but...i don't know..they're arrogant..when they play..it's like they saying to the other team...you're no match for us..we are better than you...we are the most powerful team in the world..that is why they lost to senegal in the world cup..they were overconfident...too arrogant...
people say england is a pussy team..got one goal and they quickly defend their territory..not trying to score another...come on...when did they do this?..when opposing brazil right?..it's brazil for crying out loud!!..it was already in the second half...and you're saying that england should keep on attacking after they got one valuable goal from the almighty brazil?...the english players will call you crazy and the mexicans will call you loco...they are facing brazil!!...it was pure luck that given them the goal..they SHOULD defend it...not go searching for another...that is just committing suicide...owen's strike was not a nice taken shot..i can tell you that..i just hope that they could get perhaps a draw..a win would be fine too..heh..i hope they could show france that arrogance will get you no where...pires had the nerve to say they could defeat england 3-1?..why not 3-0?...what's the 1 for?..sympathy?...yeah right..he just put the 1 there to say that if england scored first..they could counter attack 3 times the damage...i like to see that..heh...i like to see that indeed..
people say england is a pussy team..got one goal and they quickly defend their territory..not trying to score another...come on...when did they do this?..when opposing brazil right?..it's brazil for crying out loud!!..it was already in the second half...and you're saying that england should keep on attacking after they got one valuable goal from the almighty brazil?...the english players will call you crazy and the mexicans will call you loco...they are facing brazil!!...it was pure luck that given them the goal..they SHOULD defend it...not go searching for another...that is just committing suicide...owen's strike was not a nice taken shot..i can tell you that..i just hope that they could get perhaps a draw..a win would be fine too..heh..i hope they could show france that arrogance will get you no where...pires had the nerve to say they could defeat england 3-1?..why not 3-0?...what's the 1 for?..sympathy?...yeah right..he just put the 1 there to say that if england scored first..they could counter attack 3 times the damage...i like to see that..heh...i like to see that indeed..
Saturday, June 12, 2004
Nande kore??
arghh..another boring day in my life...my relatives visited the house today...didn't concern me though...i just hang around in my room listening to my new cd i bought...the new flop poppy album...i'm really into their songs..damn...i'm becoming a casanova!!!... oh well..if you can't beat them then join them is what people always say...there is this one song that really catches my attention...it conveys how the singer feels about women..and surprisingly, the title of the song is "Women"..heh..ironic isn't it?
Wanita
by Flop Poppy
Wanita tercipta menghiasi nurani
Bagaikan indah bintang bintang malam
Manisnya ku damba
Kau persona duniawi
Yang membelai pangkalnya kerinduan
Jangan kau lupa hadir mu untuk ku
Aku lelaki hidup apa adanya
Jangan kau tanya hadir ku di sini
Sempurnakah aku tanpa mu
Setiap wanita diiringi naluri
Seluas harapan yang tak bertepi
Pahitnya ku rasa takkan ku mengalah
Bukan bererti aku salah
my thoughts exactly..hehe..(if you understand the song)
Wanita
by Flop Poppy
Wanita tercipta menghiasi nurani
Bagaikan indah bintang bintang malam
Manisnya ku damba
Kau persona duniawi
Yang membelai pangkalnya kerinduan
Jangan kau lupa hadir mu untuk ku
Aku lelaki hidup apa adanya
Jangan kau tanya hadir ku di sini
Sempurnakah aku tanpa mu
Setiap wanita diiringi naluri
Seluas harapan yang tak bertepi
Pahitnya ku rasa takkan ku mengalah
Bukan bererti aku salah
my thoughts exactly..hehe..(if you understand the song)
haha...are you serious??
http://www.love.2loop.com/...a website i found in my friendster buletin board..it was rather fun doing it...here's the result
One sunny summer day at lieutner you see the most beautiful creature you have ever seen. Their name is , and every move she makes just turns you on more and more. You nudge your best friend rashid and say, "Wow, that has to be the most attractive body I have ever seen." Suddenly, she looks in your direction and starts walking right towards you!!! she says, "I noticed you staring at me from over there. I just had to tell you, that I think you are so handsome , and was wondering if you'd like to go to library with me and talk ?" With a stupid smile on your face you say, " fine " and go with them. When you finally get to library , she moves closer to you, and gives you the biggest kiss ever. The two of you are passionately kissing, when you feel a book hit you on the back of the head. You open your eyes to find out it's all a dream, but there is a note left next to your bed.
It reads: " is the love you've been waiting your whole life for. she will ask you out in 18 days or less, but only if you send this e-mail to at least 10 people within the next few minutes. The more people you send it to, the sooner they will ask you out, and you both fall in love. Do not take this lightly, because if you simply ignore this, you will have bad luck in love for the next 18 years!"
i'll keep the name to myself thank you..heh
One sunny summer day at lieutner you see the most beautiful creature you have ever seen. Their name is , and every move she makes just turns you on more and more. You nudge your best friend rashid and say, "Wow, that has to be the most attractive body I have ever seen." Suddenly, she looks in your direction and starts walking right towards you!!! she says, "I noticed you staring at me from over there. I just had to tell you, that I think you are so handsome , and was wondering if you'd like to go to library with me and talk ?" With a stupid smile on your face you say, " fine " and go with them. When you finally get to library , she moves closer to you, and gives you the biggest kiss ever. The two of you are passionately kissing, when you feel a book hit you on the back of the head. You open your eyes to find out it's all a dream, but there is a note left next to your bed.
It reads: " is the love you've been waiting your whole life for. she will ask you out in 18 days or less, but only if you send this e-mail to at least 10 people within the next few minutes. The more people you send it to, the sooner they will ask you out, and you both fall in love. Do not take this lightly, because if you simply ignore this, you will have bad luck in love for the next 18 years!"
i'll keep the name to myself thank you..heh
Wednesday, June 9, 2004
fewwwiiitttt!!!
argghhh!!!..today was a hectic day!!...went to KLCC just to eat sushi...my sister was begging me to bring her there...obviously i ate a lot..and i'm getting fatter and fatter everyday...argghh...i hate it when i eat too much...but i just can't help it...maybe i lack the hormons in the brain to tell me to stop eating..sigh..after that, went to toys r us...bought something for my nephew and niece...on the way back got scolded by my mother..somrthing that i don't look forward to this summer vacation...i hate it when she starts scolding me...her method is the same everytime...first she warms up her laser gun with sumthing sarcastic and then when you make a wrong reaction she fires her laser cannon with all the juice shes got...sigh..luckily i have developed a natural shield..so i don't get upset when she scolds me..hehehe
got to hear my "sister"'s voice yesterday..oh my god...it was so sweet..so "manja" gitu..hahaha...but she's already taken...sigh...why is it that all of the girls that i like already has a boyfrend?...sigh...oh well..just have to keep on searching..sigh..hope i'll find my dream girl..i thought i've found her..but i guess that was just my male hormons going berserk...heh...but who knows..maybe i'll find "her"...when the time comes...but i don't think i can wait that long...time is not on my side...
~ i wish i had time...but in reality i don't ~
got to hear my "sister"'s voice yesterday..oh my god...it was so sweet..so "manja" gitu..hahaha...but she's already taken...sigh...why is it that all of the girls that i like already has a boyfrend?...sigh...oh well..just have to keep on searching..sigh..hope i'll find my dream girl..i thought i've found her..but i guess that was just my male hormons going berserk...heh...but who knows..maybe i'll find "her"...when the time comes...but i don't think i can wait that long...time is not on my side...
~ i wish i had time...but in reality i don't ~
Tuesday, June 8, 2004
surprise?
i was quite surprised yesterday when i watched harry potter and the prisoner of azkaban..i didn't expect they would left out so many scenes...my frens say those scenes were not important but to me those scenes were the scenes that makde the book so exciting..hell..the movie was dull to me..for a person who has read the book..if i didn't read the book..i might be able to enjoy it but be puzzled just after i got out of the cinema..who made the marauder's map?...who was padfoot, mooney, prongs?...those questions were answered in the book but not the movie...sigh...
going out again today..don't know what to do..feeling empty...as always..don't know what to do next...well..i'm sure i can think of sumthing......maybe not...sigh...
going out again today..don't know what to do..feeling empty...as always..don't know what to do next...well..i'm sure i can think of sumthing......maybe not...sigh...
Sunday, June 6, 2004
lalalalala...
just got a new handphone...so i'm supposed to be really happy right now..but i'm not...don't know why...sigh...well..just have to contact some of my old buddies now..don't now if they even recognize me anymore..heh
missing Cleveland...
With..I've only left Cleveland for a couple of days and I'm already missing it...heh..It's fun coming back to malaysia and all..with all the feasts and reunion with my relatives..but there is just something missing..i don't know what it is..but i feel incomplete...heh..maybe its just my imagination..
it's confusing...for me to like someone that i thought of as a fren before..but i don't know...when i first look at her..she's just like any other girl that i know...cheerful, talkative..heh..not my type of girl..but as time flies by..she has become more beautiful in my eyes..well...maybe it's because of the lack of girls in the university...but i think that's not it...well...3 months to figure it out...3 months....
~3 months...still have time to think...i hope~
it's confusing...for me to like someone that i thought of as a fren before..but i don't know...when i first look at her..she's just like any other girl that i know...cheerful, talkative..heh..not my type of girl..but as time flies by..she has become more beautiful in my eyes..well...maybe it's because of the lack of girls in the university...but i think that's not it...well...3 months to figure it out...3 months....
~3 months...still have time to think...i hope~
Wednesday, June 2, 2004
god...please help me...i'm confused...
heh..can't sleep...i don't know why...maybe because i'm just too anxious about this going back to malaysia business..oh well..this is the perfect time for me too write this blog..
today was another shitty day for me..i stiil get the feeling that i'm not welcome here...in this university..with my frens..they just see me as a loud, uncool, don't have anything to say, boring guy who is just here to study...whenever i am with them it will always be quiet..it's like i'm some sort of disease and it will affect them if they interact with me..i just can't take it anymore..do you know how it feels when there's a hot conversation and when you try to join in the conversation just dropped dead?...it's frustrating...i hate this..i really do..and they have the nerve to call me selfish?...who's selfish now m*t**r f**k**r?..huh?...i know i'm not atractive like the other guys in my batch...guys like soul, nuar, judein, se'dul and momon...but i'm still a person...so please..treat me as one...don't go sour face on me when you see me and go all mushy when you meet the other guys...don't go graveyard silence when i walk by and chat like old ladies with fresh gossip when the other guys walk by...don't look at me like an escaped convict from alcatraz and look at the other guys like they were a famous rockband...i just wanted to belong...i just need your trust...is that something so hard to ask for?..every night i ask myself why...why do i have to go through all of this?..i know it's life, but shouldn't life gets better when you truly wish for it and worked hard to improve it?...my life just gotten worse...i tried to talk to my frens more..tried not to show a face of a convict..tried to be talkative and what do i get for that?..."bob, ko sihat tak ni?"("bob, are you feeling well?")..shit..it doesn't matter if the other guys made a lousy joke or make a total fool out of themselves....hey, what can i say about it?...they're COOL....yeah right...can't even do their own homework without searching the internet for the past year answers...i'm not saying that i'm better...i'm just stating that i should be treated equally as the others...right now...i feel like i'm only the guy who they knew back at INTEC...nothing more...they don't know my father already died and i grieved over him for 3 weeks and had always been dreaming about him until i was 13...they don't know what i have been through my life without a father...they don't know my mother had to work her ass off everyday to send her children money in the united kingdom...they don't know how hard it feels to see your own mother crying in the middle of the night praying to god for the well bwing of her children...they don't know shit about me..they just know me as "bob"...a guy that's rich and likes to lend money to his frens in need....they just know me as the rich boy....rich??!!...i'm not rich..i just want to help you guys!!...don't you see that?!!...to tell the truth..my family is just a mediocre family with lots of problems that people usually see on television...brother getting married with a girl that she doesn't like and his mom scolded him like hell...relatives taking drugs...brother involved in a school fight and nearly got kicked out of school...they don't know "ilham junaidi ismail"...a guy who is trying his working his ass off everyday to get everyones recognition...a guy who tried to be frenly with people...a guy who tried to lead a fresh start...already tried to tell them..but they just prefered me as "bob"..well...i just don't get it...i just don't know why i'm treated this way..it felt like i'm losing a bit of my sanity day after day...i can't take this anymore...if it wasn't for hamzah, zul, had and enip...i would have been insane by now..they helped me a lot...especially hamzah...he always visit my room...initially to study calculus but ended up chatting for hours and smoking a cigarette or two..enip who always have time to hear my problems and play b.ball with me eventhough he already has a girlfren to be with...zul who is like a brother to me...hadri who taught me a little b.ball and hang out with me...they all are important to me...they pulled me up from the abyss everytime i went into it...well..long story short...i loved my batch..but, if they treat me like shit...then i don't give a damn..f**k them..f**k them all...
today was another shitty day for me..i stiil get the feeling that i'm not welcome here...in this university..with my frens..they just see me as a loud, uncool, don't have anything to say, boring guy who is just here to study...whenever i am with them it will always be quiet..it's like i'm some sort of disease and it will affect them if they interact with me..i just can't take it anymore..do you know how it feels when there's a hot conversation and when you try to join in the conversation just dropped dead?...it's frustrating...i hate this..i really do..and they have the nerve to call me selfish?...who's selfish now m*t**r f**k**r?..huh?...i know i'm not atractive like the other guys in my batch...guys like soul, nuar, judein, se'dul and momon...but i'm still a person...so please..treat me as one...don't go sour face on me when you see me and go all mushy when you meet the other guys...don't go graveyard silence when i walk by and chat like old ladies with fresh gossip when the other guys walk by...don't look at me like an escaped convict from alcatraz and look at the other guys like they were a famous rockband...i just wanted to belong...i just need your trust...is that something so hard to ask for?..every night i ask myself why...why do i have to go through all of this?..i know it's life, but shouldn't life gets better when you truly wish for it and worked hard to improve it?...my life just gotten worse...i tried to talk to my frens more..tried not to show a face of a convict..tried to be talkative and what do i get for that?..."bob, ko sihat tak ni?"("bob, are you feeling well?")..shit..it doesn't matter if the other guys made a lousy joke or make a total fool out of themselves....hey, what can i say about it?...they're COOL....yeah right...can't even do their own homework without searching the internet for the past year answers...i'm not saying that i'm better...i'm just stating that i should be treated equally as the others...right now...i feel like i'm only the guy who they knew back at INTEC...nothing more...they don't know my father already died and i grieved over him for 3 weeks and had always been dreaming about him until i was 13...they don't know what i have been through my life without a father...they don't know my mother had to work her ass off everyday to send her children money in the united kingdom...they don't know how hard it feels to see your own mother crying in the middle of the night praying to god for the well bwing of her children...they don't know shit about me..they just know me as "bob"...a guy that's rich and likes to lend money to his frens in need....they just know me as the rich boy....rich??!!...i'm not rich..i just want to help you guys!!...don't you see that?!!...to tell the truth..my family is just a mediocre family with lots of problems that people usually see on television...brother getting married with a girl that she doesn't like and his mom scolded him like hell...relatives taking drugs...brother involved in a school fight and nearly got kicked out of school...they don't know "ilham junaidi ismail"...a guy who is trying his working his ass off everyday to get everyones recognition...a guy who tried to be frenly with people...a guy who tried to lead a fresh start...already tried to tell them..but they just prefered me as "bob"..well...i just don't get it...i just don't know why i'm treated this way..it felt like i'm losing a bit of my sanity day after day...i can't take this anymore...if it wasn't for hamzah, zul, had and enip...i would have been insane by now..they helped me a lot...especially hamzah...he always visit my room...initially to study calculus but ended up chatting for hours and smoking a cigarette or two..enip who always have time to hear my problems and play b.ball with me eventhough he already has a girlfren to be with...zul who is like a brother to me...hadri who taught me a little b.ball and hang out with me...they all are important to me...they pulled me up from the abyss everytime i went into it...well..long story short...i loved my batch..but, if they treat me like shit...then i don't give a damn..f**k them..f**k them all...
Tuesday, June 1, 2004
Home sweet home...for now..
yeah!!...just got back from the midwest games..it was really a blast!!..case won the gold medal in womens ping pong single(i think..) and bronze in men's pingpong doubles and volleyball which i played...huhu...it was a great result. not to mention the agony and pain of intense running from the volleyball to the basketball court ( i played both of them..although i did not have the time to play basketball....hehe)...anyway, all is well and i came back home to cleveland a happy person..
met a lot of old frens there....man, the midwest night was like a party gone wild!!..frens meeting frens...boyfrens meeting their girl ( i don't have one though...sigh)..met my old buddies from intec..man that night bring back memories..heh..
going back to malaysia tomorrow..can't wait for that..haven't packed up anything yet...arghhh!!!...going to do the packing ceremony tonight i guess..i just hope that i'll wake up early tomorrow morning :p..
balik kampung..OoOoOoO...balik kampung..hehe
met a lot of old frens there....man, the midwest night was like a party gone wild!!..frens meeting frens...boyfrens meeting their girl ( i don't have one though...sigh)..met my old buddies from intec..man that night bring back memories..heh..
going back to malaysia tomorrow..can't wait for that..haven't packed up anything yet...arghhh!!!...going to do the packing ceremony tonight i guess..i just hope that i'll wake up early tomorrow morning :p..
balik kampung..OoOoOoO...balik kampung..hehe
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