settling down...complete!!!

Well, it has been a month since my last post. A lot had happened during my absence here on my blog. Man Utd overtook liverpool, Cavs swept Pistons in the playoffs, swine flu broke in mexico. As for me...finally settling in.

I have a lot of things that I want to do, buy or achieve in my life and I think with my current lifestyle it would be really difficult to achieve....

Anyway, all things whether good or bad happens for a reason. I just hope that the reason would bring meaning to my life.Now I feel that my life is empty. I just wake up every morning go to work interact with people, come back, eat dinner, sleep and go through the cycle over again the next day. I admit I am not a devote prayer. I always lose 5-0, sometimes 3-2 everyday when it comes to prayers. I am trying to better myself. But, whenever I try to, the emptiness just creeps in and left me feeling well...empty. Friends say I need someone to talk to maybe a girlfriend. Can't argue with that. I like to have a girlfriend, but I don't think that there is someone with my preference out there. If there is someone, maybe I am just not there type!! It is hard being me. Keeping secrets, making promises that I think I can't keep. Having friends but feels alone.

Damn, I really need something to do!! Something like a hobby. Maybe going to gym. huhuhuhu...going once is easy. twice. ok. third time. meh.....

Looking at my pictures when i was in Cleveland and i've realized that i have gotten really fat!!! arghhhh!!! Need to play basketball. Come on guys!!! when are we going to play basketball??!!!

After One Month

It's been a month since my last post. Don't be surprised if this is the only post for March AND April. I have a lot of work to be done back at the office. Finally connected w1max to my home. Internet in your own private room. Priceless. Haven't had this much privacy on the Internet since North Village 2007.

Went to my uncle's house yesterday for a visit. Same old, same old. Not much to chat about. But on the way back, I heard a disturbing conversation between my brother and my mom. Obviously the conversation was about me. I was pretending to be sleeping at the back when they had the conversation. I'm not mad about it. I'm just concerned. Well, the gist of the conversation is that I'm not matured enough, I'm always yelling when talking to family but not with friends or colleagues, I'm hot tempered, etc, etc.

How would you feel if you were sitting behind a car hearing a conversation that went like this, "He is very hot tempered. always yelling when talking. but he does not yell to his friends..blablablabla".

Let me explain WHY I sound like yelling when I talk to you guys. You don't treat me as a PERSON. you treat me as a SMALL CHILD. That is why whenever I need to convey something I need to sound like I mean it to you. I don't sound like yelling to my friends because they treat me with RESPECT and treat me as a person. Every opinion that i give they will listen. If it is wrong they will correct it for me. But you guys, when I give an opinion you chuckle it off. my opinion is like a small child rant. When I get my facts wrong you scold me off like I don't know anything and my views are not important. WHY? WHY are you treating me like a small child? Because you think I am immature?? My own family thinks I'm IMMATURE. WHY? Because I don't react to any of your lectures anymore?

You keep asking me why I don't react to your lectures like other people do? Because they know with your motivation they will be spirited to do their work and get their just rewards which is acknowledgment from their parents,family. Your motivation once worked for me because i hoped for the acknowledgment, the praise. But what did I get? Instead of ,"You did a good job even though you got 7A's 1B" I got, "Only 7A's? Why not 8A's?". I know you did that to encourage me in the future but I've fed up. even when i got a good CGPA you will ask why not 4 flat?

It pierced my heart over and over when you talk like that. you think i didn't work hard for it? you think i just go to the exam room and randomly answer. I'm ok with what you say if i were to get only 3a's or 2.9 CGPA but i already did my best. and i know my best will never be enough for you. Now you go on and say I'm immature?? I always did my best for you. Always. but my best is never enough. ever. Tha is why I stopped caring. I stopped listening to your 'lectures'. those lectures has no effect on me because i could not be bothered by them anymore. I am just a normal person. just like everyone else. I'm not a genius. I don't have an einstein's brain. I just have a normal brain. I just pick up something faster than others that's all. And i just want someone, ANYONE to say to me, "You did your best and i am proud of you."

BUT your not PROUD of ME are you? You're never PROUD of ME because I'M IMMATURE in your eyes.......