well...those three words are to me the hardest thing that a person could tell to another person..well it's like you want to tell her but you have your doubts...what if she doesn't like me?..what if she reject me?...i've been through all this...i gathered all my courage(i don't know where that came from) and asked the girl that i like if she would be my girlfriend(i didn't ask her exactly like this..that would be really....dry)...and i got the answer that every man in the world is afraid to hear...."you know you are a nice guy but i don't see a future in us"....ouch..now that's not nice is it...i know that i'm a little to young back then to express my feelings to another human being....but there is a reason for me to do that but i didn't have anything to interpret my behavior until i stumbled upon a story that my fren posted on frenster(thank god for frenster!!)...and here is how the story goes....
10th grade: As I sat there in English class, I stared at the girl next to me. She was my so called "best friend". I stared at her long, silky hair, and wished she was mine. But she didn't notice me like that, and I knew it. After class, she walked up to me and asked me for the notes she had missed the day before and handed them to her. She said "thanks" and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I wanted to tell her, I want her to know that I don't want to be just friends, I love her but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why.
11th grade: The phone rang. On the other end, it was her. She was in tears, mumbling on and on about how her love had broke her heart. She asked me to come over because she didn't want to be alone, so I did. As I sat next to her on the sofa, I stared at her soft eyes, wishing she was mine. After 2 hours, one Drew Barrymore movie, and three bags of chips, she decided to go to sleep. She looked at me, said "thanks" and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I want to tell her, I want her to know that I don't want to be just friends, I love her but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why.
Senior year: The day before prom she walked to my locker. "My date is sick" she said; he's not going to go well, I didn't have a date, and in 7th grade, we made a promise that if neither of us had dates, we would go together just as "best friends". So we did. Prom night, after everything was over, I was standing at her front door step! I stared at her as she smiled at me and stared at me with her crystal eyes. I want her to be mine, but she isn't think of me like that, and I know it. Then she said "I had the best time, thanks!" and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I want to tell her, I want her to know that I don't want to be just friends, I love her but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why.
Graduation Day: A day passed, then a week, then a month. Before I could blink, it was graduation day. I watched as her perfect body floated like an angel up on stage to get her diploma. I wanted her to be mine, but she didn't notice me like that, and I knew it. Before everyone went home, she came to me in her smock and hat, and cried as I hugged her. Then she lifted her head from my shoulder and said, "you're my best friend, thanks" and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I want to tell her, I want her to know that I don't want to be just friends, I love her but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why.
A Few Years Later: Now I sit in the pews of the church. That girl is getting married now. I watched her say "I do" and drive off to her new life, married to another man. I wanted her to be mine, but she didn`t see me like that, and I knew it. But before she drove away, she came to me and said "you came!". She said "thanks" and kissed me on the cheek. I want to tell her, I want her to know that I don't want to be just friends, I love her but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why.
Funeral: Years passed, I looked down at the coffin of a girl who used to be my "best friend". At the service, they read a diary entry she had wrote in her high school years. This is what it read: "I stare at him wishing he was mine, but he doesn't notice me like that, and I know it. I want to tell him, I want him to know that I don't want to be just friends, I love him but I'm just too shy,and I don't know why. I wish he would tell me he loved me! I wish I did too... I thought to my self, and I cried. i love u...i love u...i love u...i love u...i love u...i love u...i love u...i love u...i love u...i love u..."
you see...i don't want my feelings to be dormant and in the end i'll regret i did not tell the one i love that i really love her...but because i was 18 and i seldom think about the other side of the coin...i was finally being heartbroken by the girl that i first had my eyes on...well years past and i thought well...it was worth it...hey better to have loved and lost than never being in love at all..but now i'm having some kind of phobia with this kind of thing..i'm afraid of rejection...but hey..i took it with a head held up high once...why can't i do it again?...because i hate rejection...just like everybody else....well...girls always say that they are the ones who suffers when a relationshp doesn't work out...well don't you know how many guys kill themselves after they broke up?..well..more than you girls i reckon...girls are fragile..yes they are..but we guys have our pride...how could we even live if we can't even hold together a relationship...some of the guys can move on...but others can't...so...goodbye cruel world..heh
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