stupid, dumbshit, god damn, mutherf***er...

sitting in front of the computer and doig nothing...that's my typical saturday night for you...tonight is sooo boring i could die of boredom....went to lake eerie...whoops..erie today for the Camar picnic...just a typical malay picnic...people came late...eating as much as you want...play games that could get your shirt dirty and stuff...cool...but...something was not right at the end of the picnic..suddenly felt that i have lost something....usually i would not care if i lost something...hey..i've lost so much things in life that i just couldn't be bothered anymore....one of my esteemed collegues is going to leave CASE...yet again...Hamzah is already gone...damn...felt like i lost a big brother there for a while...i didn't even had a chance to say goodbye....feels like my life is crumbling...alas..the one that i could talk to has gone back...i think that i'm being pulled back into the abyss yet again...just felt weird that time after the picnic..i don't know why....and some absurd stupid asshole fucker had the nerv to crack up a stupid joke at the wrong place and the wrong time...it's fortunate that i was taught by my father not to strike the first blow....if not....i would have ripped his tongue out of his fowl mouth...don't need to mention who....

i know everyone looks at me as a nice, likes to swear(heh..) and helpful mr. gentleman....but...people don't know what i've been through...not hell...because that's the worst case scenario....more like 200 spaces from hell..or more...if everyone wants me to be mean...i could...if everyone want me to be a slapstick comedian who talks bad things about his friends i would...i could be the nicest, gullible guy..if you let me...but i could also be a dangerous inconsiderate asshole as well....if someone pisses me off really bad(i'm not easy to piss off)...

heh..suddenly thought about my father...great man...never hurts anyone..not even a fly...that's my mother's job...i don't get how he could be so calm and how he could spread the calmness around...after he passed away...i started smoking...heh..told everyone i smoked since form 1....i lied....since standard 3 actually...but i quitted when i was form 1...then started again when my great-granma passed away...she was one of a kind too...106 years old(i guess)...she help me through a lot...gave me a ton of advice...and i'm still holding on to them...

i'm in a state of desperation here....feels like i could not breath here anymore...but hey...what do i expect?..this is college...live through it...people say that the best stage of life is in college or university..but to me...the best stage of life is high school...heh...never had a dull moment when i'm in high school...

~you can treat me like shit, but i'm still gonna treat you as a friend~