200th post..

another thursday, another class i didn't go to...seems like i don't have the drive to go to that class anymore...frankly, i judt don't have the drive to do anything anymore..seems like all the things i do just ends up hurting me more...i just don't care about anything anymore..because when i care about something when it's gone it's gonna hurt..i just can't take it anymore...i have lost a lot of things, people, friends, family for the past 22 years and i just can't take it anymore..i can't cope with it..everyday the frustration just keeps piling up until i am drowned by it...when i try to calm my mind and shut my self from everything else...i can't do it and "some" people despise it...but when i try to be thoughtful and friendly, i'm totally ignored..i just can't take it anymore...everything here is a big fat lie...the biggest scale lie that i have ever seen.. people hating each other then tomorrow you'll see them together like best of friends..hehe...what kind of world am i living in? i hate this life of mine..because i have ideals..but i can't live up to them..because i'm not strong enough? yes, that's one way to put it...who is strong enough? heh..here i am staring into a black deep abyss with no bottom. the way i'm feeling right now, the abyss is looking really tempting right now...maybe i'll just jump in and never come out..then everyone will be happy...including me..