letting off some steam...

i don't know what came over me to write this blog today. i don't really know. got a call from my mom this evening. she was letting off some steam because my brothers did a good job of not making her happy. now i have to be lectured not to be like them and love her and cherish her like the "perfect" son that she wants me to be. the thing is i know that i am not perfect and i just hate it when someone asks me to be. moreover she is my mom. then i have to listen to her for half an hour about how her sons and daughters doesn't love her anymore and i know that that is far from the truth. we do love her. my brothers and sisters really do love her. but with the hectic lifestyle that we siblings have because my siblings are successful thanks to mom's lecturing us every other day, they will tend to forget occasionally to have a nice chat with her. and here i am being her son and lending an ear to all her problems when i have problems of my own. sometimes i just crack under pressure and just stare blankly to the ceiling doing nothing. i just don't know what to do. she is the world to me. but i really don't know what to say to her when she asks me what to do. how am i supposed to say to a woman who had struggled alone to raise 5..well..not 5 yet..4..4 successful human beings and succeeded, how to deal with her problems? furthermore, when i try to give suggestions, it backfires and i get a heavy lecture on how to make a good opinion and when i don't give one, i am given a lecture on how i should have a stand. it's driving me nuts. i don't know what to say anymore, i don't know what to do anymore, and i don't know how to handle this but i have to. they are my family and their problems are my problems. i want to help but sometimes i just feel that my opinions are not that important to them because i have not tasted the bitterness of the "real world" yet.

and seriously, sometimes i just want to forget about everything and give a nice, long top of my lungs scream. you know to let off some steam. but hey, i am in a residential hall so i can't scream on top of my lungs because it could make others in the residential hall uncomfortable. that is why i am writing this blog. to let off some steam. not much...but it helps....sometimes..