Winter Break (part 1)

aduh...kronik sangat dah nih sampai tak tau ari ni apa....takpe2...bole lagi check...uikkk...chrismas dah..aduh..lagi berapa ari lagi nak stat klas dah..bosan tul..cam tak wat apa2 je break nih...tetiba rasa cam nak tulih blog lak ari nih...dah lama tak tulih katakan...nak kata apa pasal winter break nih yek?..tak tau aa...asik tengok prince of tennis je ari2...bosan la plak...nak stadi...aduh...nama pon break..malas la plak...nak men game baru perasan ddr takde...org seberang jalan pinjam..nasib baik ada NFSU 2..kalo tak mmg boring aa duduk sinih..fizik kena repeat...aduh...tensen tul..tu nak repeat 200 lagi tu..arghh..malas tul repeat2 nih...tapi nak wat camana...org sumer stadi ko gi layan anime..aduh...camana nih...takpe aa..kate org jepun ganbate kudasai...kata org melayu berusahalah..kata org putih lak don't give up...haiii...entahlah...dunia2..

~nuff said~

Fall Semester Summary- (Final Part)

well..today it is official. i finally finished this horrible semester..arghh....everything that i resolve at the beginning of the semester has not been achieved...well some of them have been but not all...finally i could just sit back and reboot my head and upload a brand new set of data. need to get fresh new data quickly. so how can i reboot my head? playing video games 24/7 that's how. but we will start on that tomorrow. today, we have to clean up and check out of staley...yippee!!!...

see you in 2 to 3 week's Staley..

~nuff said~

woo woo woo...apa tu?

ceh...tomorror is physics day...yeyyy!!!...damn it.... i have a physics exam tomorrow and instead of studying i'm writing this wonderful little plain blog of mine..heh. i hope that i don't f**k up on the exam tomorrow. argghh, this physics exam is giving me quite a headache..

i don't know why, but i had been getting these awful migrains since last week. mainly after i wake up from sleep. hmm, maybe i'm stressed out because of these exams...but it is getting frequent..well, there's always tylenol, aspirin and other stuff that i could take to relieve it..

really getting into slow songs right now. again, i don't know why. can't say love is in the air. it's winter for crying out loud!..not spring.

in a few days time i will be transformed into a gaming and hibernating monster. if you could spot me out in the wilderness, that is a very rare occasion in this coming winter break. so, don't bet on seeing me outside...because i'm staying in baby!!...no matter what...( but if you could temp me with sumthing then that's a different story :) )

~nuff said~

べんきょうしましょ！！

aduh..penat gak aa stadi...dah naik tensen satu badan dah stadi benda tak paham nih...ni baru abes stadi jepun..ada yang tak hafal lagih nih...tu blom 233 lagik...aduss...semenjak dua menjak nih cam ramai la plak yang dah nak berenti tulih blog...haiii...aku?...ntah aa...aku rasa selagi hati ni bole lagi rasa tak pueh ati pastu kepala ni asyik ada benda je nak terluah, aku tak berenti kot..tengok keadaan aa...aku dah kate dah dulu...aku tulih blog not for fun and games...blog is somewhere where i let out my feelings and no one and i mean no ONE will ever say anything...these are MY thoughts and MY opinions...pendapat2 yang aku maleh (and kadang2 takut)..nak luahkan terang2...bukan takut penakut...takut benda yang aku nak kate tu menyakitkan ati org...so maleh aa nak luahkan pakai mulut...lain plak jadinya kang...so the thing is...this blog sebenarnya bukan utk tatapan umum..tapi kalo dah terjumpa tuh...jgn la pulak bengang ngan aku kalo aku tulih sumthing yang menyinggung perasaan...tapi, sebelum tu..try aa pikir apsal aku tulih camtu...don't just see it from your perspective...see it from other perspectives as well...kalo nak aku tulih ikut sodap hang je, tak dapek aa..

so..aku takkan berenti tulih...sebab kepala aku akan sentiasa tensen dan blog ni adalah aku nyer haven aa kira...tempat utk aku membuang segala masalah yang menimpa...utk aku baca balik bile aku dah jadi bapak org sok...pastu geleng kepala...bermasalah gak aku ni dulu..heh...nak kate blog ni aku nyer diary tak aa kot...sebab aku tak tulih hari2...pastu aku tulih pendapat, bukan benda yang aku dah buat...so kira personal journal aa...so, sesape yang rasa dah muak ngan blog aku silalah berenti baca skarang...takde benda menarik pon...takde nye aku nak tulih aku minat si polan binti si polan...pastu aku buat ni..pastu buat tu...takde nyer...aku tulih benda yang aku tak pueh ati je kat sinih...tapi kalo korang nak teruskan baca...silakan...jgn kate aku tak warning...kalo hangin dengan apa aku tulih..mintak mahap byk2 dulu aa kot...tapi aku tulih atas sebab nak release tensen...bukan nak kutuk..ok?..wallahualam...

~nuff said~

Fall 2004 Summary (Part 2) - Volley IM

aduh..kalah doh volley IM...but it's ok...dapat aa jugak pengalaman sket...ok gak aa team co-rec main tadi tapi ada aa jugak beberapa points yang bole buat coach volley MCKK 2001 menyirap(hangin)...but, at least dapat aa memupuk women players...so, kira kita win2 situation aa..takpe2...next year bleh main lagi...skarang target midwest lak..pompuan main dah ok dah..especially Lia ngan Pari aa...tapi mintak mahap la ye bagi pihak lelaki...nak aje gi amik bola tu bebudak laki ni..haiii tak trust langsung kat korang...kesian gak aa..kalo aku dah lama dah malas nak men..so kesabaran korang mmg aku kagumi aa..terkilan gak aku sebenonyer tadi...dah aa terkocoh2 buat lab...nak main punya pasal...last2 duduk tepi je cam monyet bukit bendera tunggu kacang...aduh..takpe aa...it's not my call..kalo kapten suruh kuar aku kuar je..manalah tau..ten nampak aku tak bersemangat ke..tak fokus ke..aku mana tau..so it's his decision aa...lagi satu...semenjak dua menjak ni ada aa telinga aku ni terdengar yang open boys tu apsal first six midwest main?..kate nak bagi pendedahan la...apa la...mmg aa nak bagi pendedahan...tapi masalah nye...yang datang awal, first six jugak...yang bersemangat nak men, first six jugak...yang mmg commitedlah org kate, first six jugak...yang fokus ngan serius time main, first six jugak...mana tak first six main?...ko taknak bagi first six main?...dedikasi aa sket..ni pakai taram je dig bola...tak tau mintak aa sesape ajar..contoh paling best mintak ajar munsip..mmg baguih aa munsip mintak syed ajar...dah bole spike dah mamat tuh...dig je terkantoi2 lagi...tanya sesape...bukan nye kedekut ilmu pon..mmg kitaorg nak bagi pendedahan supaya time midwest nanti RAMAI sub BOLE main volley...kalo yang nak men IM tuh budak bola je sumer mmg aa kitaorg cam serba salah je...apsal bagi budak bola main..sedangkan dah tau diaorg nanti time midwest mesti men bola nyer..so last2 yang men time midwest nanti first six jugak....kitaorg nak training gak...nak pengalaman gak...jgn pikir korang je yang nak pengalaman dan pendedahan...aku kalo nak tulih benda2 yang aku tak pueh ati mmg panjang..aku maleh nak tulih...kesimpulannya...

sumer nak main ikut stail sendiri tak dapat aa..org lain mungkin ada pandangan yang berlainan...tapi kalo ikut peraturannya...ikut kate kapten volley aa..kalo dia suruh first six main...first six aa main...ari tu sumer first six main bukan tanak bagi bebudak lain main..bukan...jgn salah faham..kitaorg nak menang byk sebab senang aa time playoff..takde aa first game kalah teruk..lawan team senang...susah sangat ke nak paham...bukan susah pon..simple playoff rooster aa..yang first lawan yang last...

tapi...apa2 pon, byk gak aa pengalaman yang dapat dalam IM volley nih..pengalaman baik tu simpan..buat tauladan...yang tak baik tuh..buang aa jauh2...jgn simpan dalam hati...tu sebab aku tulih benda nih..aku tanak simpan...kang meletup tak tentu pasal...sape susah?...yang buat lawak bodo kat aku yang susah...dah...apa2 hal...volleyball IM Fall 2004 mmg lagi besh dari tahun lepas...korang sumer bleh buat...yang first six tuh mmg dah terer dah..yang men pendedahan tuh pon dah terer...kena train nak kawal je...byk plak aku melalut...dah..abes..

~nuff said~

Intermission

ok..just got this from munsif's post on friendster (he likes to post there...i don't know why..hmmm)...well, some of the facts are a little bit far-fetched but mostly 90 % of it is true...in my case that is...well...just read them and laugh...or be shocked...whichever apply...

Facts About Guys...

1. Guys don't actually look after good- looking
girls. They prefer neat and presentable girls.

2.Guys hate flirts.( hahaha)

3.A guy can like you for a minute,and then forget
you afterwards.

4. When a guy says he doesn't understand you, it
simply means you're not thinking the way he is.

5. "Are you doing something?" or "Have you
eaten already?" are the first usual questions a guy
asks on the phone just to get out from stammering.

6. Guys may be flirting around all day but before
they go to sleep,they always think about the girl
they truly care about.

7. When a guy really likes you, he'll disregard all
your bad characteristics.

8. Guys go crazy over a girl's smile.

9. Guys will do anything just to get the girl's
attention.

10. Guys hate it when you talk about your ex-
boyfriend or about another guy u like.

11. When guys want to meet your parents. Let
them.

12.Guys want to tell you many things but they can't.
And they sure have one habit to gain courage and
spirit to tell you many things and it is drinking!

13. Guys hate it when you go out with some other
guy.

14. Don't provoke the guy to heat up. Believe me.
He will.

15. Guys can never dream and hope too much.

16. Guys usually try hard to get the girl who has
dumped them, and this makes it harder for them
to accept their defeat.

17. When you touch a guy's heart, there's no
turning back.

18. Giving a guy a hanging message like "You
know what?!..uh...never mind!" would make him
jump to a conclusion that is far from what you are
thinking.

19. Guys go crazy when girls touch their hands.

20. Guys are good flatterers when courting but
they usually stammer when they talk to a girl they
really like.

21. When a guy makes a prolonged "umm" or
makes any excuses when you're asking him to do
you a favor, he's actually saying that he doesn't
like you and he can't lay down the card for you.

22. When a girl says "no", a guy hears it as "try
again tomorrow."

23. You have to tell a guy what you really want
before he gets the message clearly.

24. Guys hate gays!

25. Guys love their moms.

26. A guy would sacrifice his money for lunch just
to get you a couple of roses.

27. A guy often thinks about the girl who likes him.
But this doesn't mean that the guy likes her.

28 You can never understand him unless you
listen to him.

29.If a guy tells you he loves you once in a lifetime.
He does.

30. Beware. Guys can make gossips scatter
through half of the face of the earth faster than
girls can.

31. Like Eve, girls are guys' weaknesses.

32. Guys are very open about themselves.

33. It's good to test a guy first before you believe
him. But don't let him wait that long.

34. No guy is bad when he is courting

35. Guys hate it when their clothes get dirty. Even
a small dot.

36. Guys really admire girls that they like even if
they're not that much pretty.

37. Your best friend, whom your boyfriend seeks
help from about his problems with you may end up
being admired by your boyfriend.

38. If a guy tells you about his problems, he just
needs someone to listen to him. You don't need to
give advice.

39. A usual act that proves that the guy likes you is
when he teases you.

40. A guy finds ways to keep you off from linking
with someone else.

41. Guys love girls with brains more than girls in
miniskirts.

42. Guys try to find the stuffed toy a girl wants but
would unluckily get the wrong one.

43.Guys virtually brag about anything.

44.Guys cannot keep secrets that girls tell them.

45.Guys think too much.

46.Guys' fantasies are unlimited.

47.Girls' height doesn't really matter to a guy but
her weight does!

48. Guys tend to get serious with their relationship
and become too possessive. So watch out girls!!!

49. When a girl makes the boy suffer during
courtship, it would be hard for him to let go of that
girl.


the facts that are red are the ones that i find disturbingly not true...i don't know about the other guys but i'm not like that....the blue ones are the ones i'm not sure...in my case....blue is a maybe..heh..the other facts...well...use your imagination and guess how many is my trait..hehe...treat it as a quiz...no prize though...

~nuff said~

Fall 2004 Summary (part 1)

here we are. i can't believe it's already the end of fall. man, i could still remember when i first got here from my summer vacation. man, time does fly by. this past fall, so many things happened and there were so many memories that i have gone through and i enjoyed every single one of it. although there were some setbacks like being caught for copying and other stuff that i could not care less to talk about, it was overall a great Fall semester. the other day someone posted the world university ranking on the Messenger. CASE was number 88 and University Malaya was 89. so some of the guys and girls thought that, hey maybe it's better to study in malaysia than to waste money and time to study overseas. when i heard that, i was devastated. to me, the reason the goverment sends us to overseas is not to just study. if you want to just get a degree and go work in some company than yes. you would be wasting your time here. our purpose is to learn something more than just science and literature. we are here to study thier culture. how do they do it? how did they became the super power of the worl. how do they treat thier work. what makes them hardworking. we came here to learn about all this and LEARN from them. if we're smart, maybe perfecting their ways to suit our own. not to just come here and just get good grades. i know the readers of my blog will just think. heh...he's all talk. he's not doing it. yes, i know i'm not. but i don't want it to happen to anyone else. i know it is hard to cope with studies and other things. but at least, try your best. don't GIVE UP. that's the last thing that we should be thinking about. if we fall, rise again and try not to fall again from whatever experience that we got from the last fall. i know we can do this. we can. we're just not trying hard enough. ganbate kudasai malaysia no gakusee( malaysian students ). we can do this.

"Takkan Melayu Hilang Di Dunia" - Hang Tuah

"memang BANGSA Melayu takkan hilang, tetapi kalau kita terus leka, apa akan jadi kepada ADAT Melayu?" - Ilham Junaidi Ismail ( atas bimbingan Pn Hjh. Hamidah )

~nuff said~

aduh...

lama gak aku tak post benda kat sini...tak tau aa nak kata apa...pagi kang kanji kuiz...aduh...ganbate kudasai iruhamu-kun...

rupa2nya byk gak citer2 yang aku tak tau lagi kat case nih...haiii...mmg katak bawah tempurung btol aa...ari tu gi makan ihop kol 3 pagi baru aku dapat mengupdatekan minda tentang isu2 terbaru kat case nih...macam2 gak yang di dengar, tidak tahu kesahihannya...tapi aku anggap citer2 tu benda yang aku bole K.I.V lah...aku cam tak caya je apa aku dengar, tapi tulah...telinga manusia nih bukan cam microfon...bole on ke off...dengarlah ia apa yang bole didengari....dalam dengar2 tu ada gak aku bagi theori aku sendiri..heh...tak habis2 ngan theori...prakticalnya aku tak tau apa...hidup aku nih cam aku belaja fizik aa...benda2 theori cepat je aku tangkap..bila di suruh buat tak tau apa...haiii...

jumaat nih nak gi groove city...cambest je...tapi di sebabkan kekurangan funding, aku gi beli jacket je aa kot...duit tadak aa...ptg kang dapat aa kot kamera aru aku..tu sbebab takde duit tu...boros tul..tp takpe aa..berbaloi gak aa aku beli...tak pueh ati tul ngan susunan kete..tapi takpelah...dah di susun camtu nak wat camana...ok je aa kot..judein ada..takde aa bosan...bole je aa kot...tak kisah sangat sebenonyer...kira bosan gak aa thanksgiving nih aku rasa...kena study plak tu....aduh...tuptaptuptap dua minggu lagi final..aduh..ganbate...skit je lagi nak winter break...c'mon2!!!!

~nuff said~

dah abes dah raya..waaa!!!!

wah wah wah...dah masuk raya kedua dah...aduh..semalam rasa cam tak feel je raya...tapi ok je aa..memandangkan aku kat U.S bukan kat malaysia...rasa nak balik tu mmg ada..tapi nak wat camana....terpaksalah menahan airmata di pagi raya semalam...dah aa tak gi semayang raya...aduh...mana nak feel....MFF malam tadi ok aa...grand gile...bilik punya aa kecik...org punya aa ramai...haiii...susah nak mengentertain...walaupon aku technician je..tolong la jugak sket...sket je..tak byk pon..takut makanan tak cukup nyer pasal..aku gi makan kat falafel..aduh..sedih aku malam raya makan kebab...waaa...nasib baik ptg tadi ada aa jugak makan nasik impit kat umah momon...speaking of momon..kesian gile beraya kat spital..aduh...takpe mon..nanti ko kuar kita celebrate raya...kita gi aa rumah sesaper..kita beraya sakan mintak duit raya sumer...hurhurhur...camana bleh terbelit usus tu mon?...aduh...kesian gile kat ko...takpe2..ilek2..senin ni aku bagitau kishi ko sakit...tak stadi apa lagi nih...aduh..tak tau apa pon 200 besok..takpe2...raya punya pasal..sat agi stat aa stadi..233 lagi..aduh...waaa..mengeluh aje la keje aku...semalam dapat gak call kampung...setelah 4 kali engage..mesti abg aku pakai phone gayut...ceh...apa2 hal...dapat aa jugak rasa raya semalam kat MFF...sumer pakai baju melayu sumer....wahhh....pastu jumpa nina ngan katie semalam...wah wah wah...kawaii desu ne...kesian diaorang takde tiket..nasib baik ada tiket lebih..dapat gak diaorang makan...borak2 ngan diaorang sat..huhu...omoshirui deshita..hoho...byk la plak aku tulih malam ni...nampak sangat tengah bosan..waaa...takpe aa...janji aku ada benda nak wat sat agi..stadi!!stadi!!

~nuff said~

alahai...

kena jumpa schultz pulak besok..aduh...kantoi tiru ke apa nih?...alamak..malas aa...haii...kosong aa gamaknya lab aku..

aduh...angin sengugut dah mai dah...

hangin aa...dah aa main volley cam sial tadi..aduh bobby..apa yang tak kena bobby?..aduh...hangin ngan org kat luar court tu len citer aa..paham aa apsal korang nak suruh aku kuar...aku tau aa bukan nye aku terer men pon banding ngan syed kan...tapi be considerate la...apa rasa player bile supporter suruh kuar..mesti hangin kan?...ilek aa weih...kalo syed ke, teammate mintak ke..aku kuar nyer...tapi kalo org yang takde kena mengena kan...suruh kuar tak tentu pasal..hangin aa aku....rasa nak flying kick je tadi org yang suruh kuar tadi..takyah aa nak tau sape...korang tau diri korang sendiri....tolong aa....sekarang aku tau aa apa abal rasa...be considerate aa sket

bobby...bobby...apa nak jadi ngan ko ni bobby?

haii..hari ni ngan malam tadi merupakan hari yang paling sampah dalam hidup aku...dah aa hw tak wat..lab tak siap...jepun tak stadi..tido awal lak tu...haii..apa la nak jadi ngan ko ni bobby?...hidup sekali je bobby...bukan ko dah mati leh hidup balik..aduh..camana laa nak wat...sat agi nak gi jumpa professor Saab...nak mintak sign..nak drop 223..tak tahan dah...susah tol la kovacs buat klas..next sem sape amik cal 4 ngan dia lagi...hahaha....berusahalah ye kengkawan...nak aku bagitau camana kovaks ajar...dia ajar macam laju..tapi lambat cam ampeh....habes patut kol 1020...kol 1030 tak tentu ko bleh kuar klas..pastu..bagi review..bole kate sama gak aa ngan exam..tapi equation dia ti susahkan 5 kali ganda..huhu...tak ke haru namanye tu...buat dah reti dah...tapi equation dia nak mendifferenciate...aduh....tu baru 223..next sem 224 lagi aa mencanak dibuatnya...kepada nuar a.k.a "jgn panggil aku boden"...berusahalah next sem yek?..ko jumpa dia lagi doh...ko terer takpe...rajin stadi..hehe...

what a strange dream...

i had the most bizarre dream last night...it was like one of those dreams when you don't know you're awake or still sleeping...it felt so real to me...i hope it was not...it's a cruel dream...i didn't deserve to be treated that way (in the dream of course..)...damn...the dream is carved in my head man...can't forget it...it was crystal clear...i still remember the lies, deceits, blackmail, backstabbing...i want to write it down but...it's kinda personal..so..i think i shouldn't...it could hurt someone's feelings...please let it be as it is....a dream...one that is just a prank that my mind made when i'm sleeping...please...

~nuff said~

Aiya....lembik aa..

why does Arsenal FC hates Man Utd FC so much?...we don't know...i don't even remember how the feud really started...but one thing is for sure, Man Utd is not the agressor in the feud...we just played football the way that we used to play for a long time...we upheld the tradition of the red devils...that's why we won 8 out of ten seasons in a row and one european championship...we never brag about that...well we do brag about it..but just for the post season of 1999...after that it was back to playing football as usual...all this mumbo jumbo of winning 49 games in a row..oppss...no...no...'undefeated' in 49 games in a row is just not worth all the credit..did they win the league for 8 seasons out of 10?..no...did they ever reached the final of europeans champions league?...no...did they ever taste the sweet victory of winning the treble?...no...so why brag undefeated in 49 games?....seriously...brag about it after you win yourself some european silverware...oh..before i forget...

'I received more blows in that match than I have ever done in the Spanish League and I finished on the ground covered in bruises.' - Jose Reyes

if you can't take the harshness of english premier league, do yourself a favor and go back to spain...

no offence...just an opinion...

~nuff said~

ayak!!..blog jiwang??

I had received a lot of comments about my blog recently ( from friends, etc. bla bla) that my blog is too romantic a.k.a 'jiwang'....it's not jiwang...it's just...i don't know...i just like to write stuff...so when i can't find stuff to write about, i post something a little bit romantic or sentimental....it's just makes my blog look nice...to some people...not all...that's why this blog's title is life and what i get from it....anything i get from life i trash it here...and i usually get love...from my frens, suitemates, brothers and sisters....so i write and post something about love....sometimes i hate a certain thing or person...i write things about hate and despair....that's the gist of it...this blog is about what I get in life....not what i want from it. because life could give you anything without notice....it could be fair, cruel, nice, thoughtful. life could give you things you wanted or things you hate...you just have to accept it with arms wide open...that's what i'm doing and i don't regret it.

~nuff said~

apa nak tulih ekk?

what do i want to write in this blog today?...i have no idea...can't sleep, can't study...arghhh!!!...tension...got a japanese quiz tomorrow....and i think i want to withdraw from my calculus 3 class....thank you Mr Kovac for the 2 weeks you tortured me in class....you're a nice guy...but i guess i just can't cope with the way you're teaching...this semester just gets worse by the day...where were the times when i'm just a happy go lucky guy....wait....i'm still a happy go lucky guy....bah...i hate this semester!!!!

~nuff said~

lelaki idaman hawa?..mana nak dapat??

ni ihsan daripada paman reheadjo a.k.a asar...aku baca pon tergelak2 aku..tapi mmg betul pon..susah skarang nak cari lelaki yang bole memenuhi kehendak wanita dan vice versa..

Aku pernah terfikir....aku sendiri masih musykil... Rata2 biodata yang tak rata dari kaum hawa semuanya mesti ada ayat2 sebegini:
1). Calon suami yang tidak merokok.
2). Calon suami yang bersembahyang, taat pada perintah Allah
3). Penyayang, Penyabar
4). Suka Berterus terang.
5). Romantik
6). TIdak mempermainkan Kaum Hawa
7). Berbudi Bahasa
8). Kelakar

hakikatnya....
1). Purata 9 daripada 10 lelaki adalah perokok,
-camner la korang nak carik yang tak merokok... kekadang tu dia tak merokok depan korang...tapi belakang
2). Yup, Sembahyang @ Solat...
- yang diwajibkan ada 5, tapi alahai...kadang2 dapat 3 pun dah besar rahmat dah..wallahualam
3). Penyayang & Penyabor??
-mungkin masa bercinta & masa tengah carik jodoh jer kot...riso lepas kawin jadik Penerajang & Penampor jerk..
4). Lelaki memang suka berterus terang...
-takde gelap2 punya...omputih kata straight 2 the point...melayu kata, sound tepat...
5). Romantik?
-apa definisi romantik yang sebenarnya? cari dalam kamus tengok - camner ciri2 lelaki romantik...sesapa leh huraikan??
6). Kaum lelaki memang tidak pernah sesekali mempermainkan kaum Hawa.. never... ever... forever... hakikat yang berlaku sekarang ni...kaum lelaki la yang banyak kena main dengan kaum Hawa...lelaki kalau dia kata dia sayang, dia cinta.... arus elektrik pun tak dapat hanyutkan dia....but ingat....itu kalau dia kata dia sayang or cinta jerk
7). Berbudi Bahasa ni kena tengok dengan attitude seseorang tu..kalau cara dia cakap dengan kita pun macam hampeh, takkan la dia tak hampeh depan mak bapak kita esok. nak yang betul berbudi?? cari la yang tak hampeh...
8). Kelakar....nampak gaya kaum lelaki kena langgan majalah ujang ngan apo? la...supaya ada modal time dating nanti...memang best dapat pasangan yang kelakar...tapi kalau sebijik macam Mr. Bean...rasanya mak bapak kita pun malu nak ngaku menantu kan..kan...kan ?

apa yang kaum hawa tulis semua tu...dapat ker korang cari yang ada kesemua ciri tu....kalau dapat...berapa lama?? masihkah ada lelaki sedemikian?? takut2 kalau dah pupus jerk... carilah yang berkenan dihati...buat Solat Istikharah bila nak buat pilihan hidup..soal masa depan bukan mainan... jangan carik yang kemas berkemeja tapi rupa2 kerjanya Peragut, Penagih, Penipu dan semua P yang dikategorikan sebagai Penjenayah... Mana yang bersifat sementara masih ada peluang kita mengubahnya, mana yang kekal doakanlah moga Allah beri petunjuk dan hidayah padanya. Jangan kita terlalu memilih mengikut kehendak kita.... Jodoh & Pertemuan ketentuan Allah semuanya...Amin

just an advice..

just finished reading a friend's blog....talking about notes in class and the unhealthy habit of skipping class(not saying that i don't skip...i'm human too you know...)...well..it's true that some classes are easy to score but hard to comprehend...i hate those kind of classes...like my 233 class...if it was up to me, i would just study my butts off..but considering that i have 4 other subjects to attend to....i came here to grasp an understanding of what makes universities abroad so damn special than our universities at home..but...i haven't seen anything unusually different...so i decided it was all in the method of the lecturers...i loved some lecturers..chris butler for example, good man...understand everything that he taught...but his exams are so damn difficult...well, at least i could be at ease because i understand the stuff...where's the pride in getting a a perfect score in an exam that you don't know anything about?...(hrmmm, my 233 exam...sigh..)...well...we all make choices....choose..heh

no subject

There was once this guy who is very much in love
with his girl. This romantic guy folded 1,000
pieces
of paper cranes as a gift to his girl.
Although, at that time he was just a small fry in his
company, his future
doesn't seem too bright, they
were very happy together.
Until one day, his girl told him she was going to
Paris and will never come back.
She also told him that she cannot visualise any
future for the both of them, so they went their own
ways there and then... Heartbroken, the guy
agreed. But when he regained his confidence, he
worked hard day and night, slogging his body and
mind just to make something out of himself.
Finally with all the hard work and the help of
friends,
this guy had set up his own company ...
You never fail until you stop trying.
One rainy day, while this guy was driving, he saw
an elderly couple sharing an umbrella in the rain
walking to some destination. Even with the
umbrella, they were still drenched. It didn't take him
long to realize they were his girl's parents. With a
heart in getting back at them, he drove slowly
beside
the couple, wanting them to spot him in his luxury
sedan. He wanted them to know that he wasn't
the
same any more; he had his own company, car,
condo, etc. He made it! What he saw next
confused him, the couple was walking towards
a cemetery, and so he got out of his car and
followed...and he saw his girl, a photograph of
her smiling sweetly as ever at him from her
tombstone and he saw his paper cranes right
beside her... Her parents saw him. He asked
them why this had happened. They explained,
she did not leave for France at all. She was ill
with cancer.
She had believed that he will make it someday,
but she did not want to be his obstacle... therefore
she had chosen to leave him. Just because
someone doesn't love you the way you want them
to, doesn't mean they don't love you with all they
have. She had wanted her parents to put his
paper cranes beside her, because, if the day
comes when fate brings him to her again...he can
take some of those back with him...
Once you have loved, you will always love. For
what's in your mind may escape but what's in your
heart will remain forever. The guy just wept...
The worst way to miss someone is to be sitting
right beside her knowing you can't have her, see
her or be with her ever again.........hope you
understand.
Find time to realize that there is one person who
means so much to you, for you might wake up
one morning losing that person who you thought
meant nothing to you... =)

love...again?

1) Don't turn your back to love when it's
already in front of you.
Don't drive it away from you, because if you do,
someday, you'll think
again, why you let love flew when it was there
next to you.

2) In Love, think things first over if you're
sure about how you feel.Don't fall too hard
not
knowing where you will stand, 'coz it will hurt
real bad if things don't go the way you want
them
to be.

3) It's an irony to know that it takes hours for
someone to have guts to say "hi" to the one
he likes, days to admire,weeks to miss the
person,
months to love, but just a blink of an eye to
say goodbye...

4) Go for the person who loves you. It is not
wrong to love someone
who belongs to someone else, but it is much
better to love someone who could also love
you in return.

5) Love isn't something we hold, it is
something we set free. It's not something we
just do, but....
it's something we don't imagine to be. Lastly,
it's not something we choose, it chooses us..

6) The scariest thing about falling in love is
getting hurt. The scariest thing about getting
hurt is not being able to love again. The
scariest thing about not loving again is being
alone forever.

nuff said.....

Ramadhan is here!!

uish...it's Ramadhan already!!...hehe..just started the fasting month today..not much happened though....and i just finished all my midterm exams today...yay!!...that's a relief...not that i scored on all of them...that's another blog...this blog is just to express how much i am looking forward to this fall break..even though i have no plans whatsoever for these 4 days...just stay in my room and play games i think...if someone wants to hang out..that's fine too...go watch a movie maybe...but strictly..i just want to sleep all weekend..it's been a tiring week...didn't get much sleep...this is my only chance to catch up on my sleep..hehe...really want to play basketball this weekend..but i don't know if i could play all out..because of the fasting month and all..well..that's all for know...calos..

a puro dolor

As I was studying my ass off...i stumbled upon a song that i haven't heard in months...i liked this song once, but stopped hearing to it because it brings back memories that was better left forgotten..

"A Puro Dolor"(purest of pain)

Perdona si te estoy llamando en este momento
Pero me hacia falta escuchar de nuevo
Aunque sea un instante tu respiracion

Disculpa se que estoy violando
Nuestro juramento
Se que estas con alguien, que no es el momento
Pero hay algo urgente que decirte este hoy

Estoy muriendo, muriendo por verte
Agonizando muy lento y muy fuerte

Vida, devuelveme mis fantasias
Mis ganas de vivir la vida
Devuelveme el aire...

Carino mio, sin ti yo me siento vacio
Las tardes son un laberinto
Y las noches me saben
A puro dolor...

Quisiera decirte que hoy estoy de maravilla
Que no me ha afectado lo de tu partida
Pero con un dedo no se tapa el sol

Estoy muriendo, muriendo por verte...

ok..i know that it's hard to understand spanish...but i liked the spanish version more than the english one

5 xm and 1 lab = perfect week??

yeah..i always write these words down like i want sympathy from other people..heh..yeah right...i have 5 xm's..damn...well...just have to study my ass off now wouldn't i?...

What is going on??

apa la nak jadi....day after day it fells like it's all breaking apart...every passing day....i don't know why...feuding here...a little bit of envy there and jealousy between each other....why can't we just get along...i just don't get it...why do we have to fight against each other for things that are not worth it?...we all have problems and differences with other people.....but don't just keep it inside or expressing your problems to people that could not do anything.....that's just not right....i don't like what i'm seeing here and i know some of you who are reading this also do not like this....where were the friendly gestures that we usually make when we bump into each other?...where were the times when everyone was laughing playing soccer or basketball and never had the pressure of a teammate scolding all your faults?....this is not right...we used to be a team....used to help one another....not fight against each other....i'd rather have a "family" here...not some guys and girls who just came from the same country as i am and study here together....where was our "family"?...i know how it feels to have a broken family...you all think i don't?...well...i do.....for 8 damn fucking years...i don't want it to happen here....i really don't....trust me..it's horrible....we are here not just to study and get good grades...we could do that in Malaysia...so please...don't go talking foolish stuff behind a person's back or backstabbing or blaming others before knowing the truth or anything of that nature...i know it's fun but it's not worth it....in the end, it will come back to you...i know i'm not a saint here...but i'm just giving a reminder...it's you who decide...not me...i've decided a long time ago and i'm hanging on to it...

guys are crybabies....WHAT????!!

i could stop staring at the monitor of my laptop when this kind of discussion went up in the bulletin board of friendster....guys...likes to cry??....well...there are some truth to it...but we don't cry outloud like you gurls do it...we cry in our hearts..hehe...just joking gurls...anyway, guys also cry..i don't deny that but likes to cry?...l don't think so...that job is better left to the pompuan mengada2 type...we don't like to cry...it ruins our image...when we do cry, we don't show it to you girls now do we?...we're a proud bunch...just like a friend of mine always say....if there is a similarity between an animal's and human's personalities.....then i would say men are like dogs and women are like cats...i agree with her....men are honorable, loyal and always handle things himself...woman for that matter likes the attention, elegant and always want to feel appreciated..although she didn't do anything that would welcome recognition....just like cats...where am i going with this?...i don't know but i just want to prove a point that guys don't like to cry...please...just don't post a thing like that...it's ruining the image of men everywhere....hehehehe...

EECS 233

shit...just wanna skip this class today...i'm really not in the mood...

the beginning of a new era....

i had my doubts when sir alex ferguson bought wayne rooney for 27 million pounds...back then i was thinking...why should he be spending all that money when he has 4 strikers already?..why didn't he buy defenders?....today, after demolishing fenerbach 6-2, i remembered offence is a good defence... sir alex ferguson was an attacking minded manager...he likes to attack...that's why Man U won the Treble back in 1999...there was a blend of attacking and defending in the team...sir alex handled the attack..steve mclaren handled the defence...since steve mclaren left, the defence was lost...didn't know who to guard and what to do...but this season, ferdinand is back from suspension...that's a good news and to make it even better, rooney proved himself to be a hungrier striker than any other striker in the team...yeah...this will be a good season for united...in the beginning of the season, i thought Man U was losing their touch...but after the performance of the team, especially rooney when the handled fenerbach...Man U is back on track...watch out 'undefeated' arsenal and 'star studded" chelsea...Manchester United is back...thus.. the new era begins...

mengada2...

ari nih nak tulih dalam bahasa ibunda lak..sebab dah lama aku tak tulih B.M...so ni kira aku nak touch up balik aa..huhu...ari tu tengah aku selongkar friendster ada la satu post kat bulletin board aku yang bunyi dia camni....

1. Bila sorang wanita mengatakan dia sedang
bersedih,tetapi dia tidak
menitiskan airmata,itu bermakna dia sedang
menangis di dalam hatinya.

2. Bila dia tidak menghiraukan kamu selepas
kamu menyakiti
hatinya,lebih
baik kamu beri dia masa untuk menenangkan
hatinya semula sebelum kamu
menegur dengan ucapan maaf.

3. Wanita sukar nak cari benda yang dia benci
tentang orang yang paling
dia
sayang(sebab itu ramai wanita yang patah hati
bila hubungan itu putus
di
tengah jalan).

4. Sekiranya sorang wanita jatuh cinta dengan
sorang lelaki,lelaki itu
akan
sentiasa ada di fikirannya walaupun ketika dia
sedang keluar dengan
lelaki
lain.

5. Bila lelaki yang dia suka dan cinta merenung
tajam ke dalam
matanya,dia
akan cair seperti coklat!!

6. Wanita memang sukakan pujian tetapi selalu
tidak tau macam mana nak
menerima pujian.

7. Ji! ka kamu tidak suka dengan gadis yang
sukakan kamu separuh
mati,tolak
cintanya dengan lembut,jangan berkasar sebab
ada satu semangat dalam
diri
wanita yang kamu tak akan tahu bila dia dah buat
keputusan,dia akan
lakukan
apa saja.

8. Sekiranya sorang gadis mula menjauhkan diri
darimu selepas kamu
tolak
cintanya,biarkan dia untuk seketika.Sekiranya
kamu masih ingin
menganggap
dia sorang kawan,cubalah tegur dia perlahan-
lahan.

9. Wanita suka meluahkan apa yang mereka
rasa.Muzik,puisi,lukisan dan
tulisan adalah cara termudah mereka meluahkan
isi hati mereka.

10. Jangan sesekali beritahu perempuan yang
mereka ni lansung tak
berguna.

11. Bersikap terlalu serius boleh mematikan
mood wanita.

12. Bila pertama kali lelaki yang dicintainya dalam
diam memberikan
respon
positif,misalnya menghubunginya melalui
telefon,si gadis akan bersikap
acuh
tak acuh seolah-olah tidak berminat,tetapi sebaik
saja ganggang
diletakkan,dia akan menjerit kesukaan dan ! tak
sampai sepuluh
minit,semua
rakan-rakannya akan tahu berita tersebut.

13. Sekuntum senyuman memberi seribu erti bagi
wanita.Jadi jangan
senyum
sebarangan.

14. Jika kamu menyukai sorang wanita,cubalah
mulakan dengan
persahabatan.Kemudian biarkan dia
mengenalimu dengan lebih mendalam.

15. Jika sorang wanita memberi seribu satu
alasan setiap kali kamu ajak
keluar,tinggalkan dia sebab dia memang tak
berminat denganmu.

16. Tetapi jika dalam masa yang sama dia
menghubungimu atau menunggu
panggilan darimu,teruskan usahamu untuk
memikatnya.

17. Jangan sesekali mengagak apa yang
dirasakannya.Tanya dia sendiri!!

18. Selepas sorang gadis jatuh cinta,dia akan
sering tertanya-tanya
kenapalah aku tak jumpa lelaki ini lebih awal.

19. Kalau kamu masih tercari-cari cara yang
paling romantik untuk
memikat
hati sorang gadis,cubalah rajin-rajinkan tangan
menyelak buku-buku
cinta.

20. Bila setiap kali gambar kelas keluar,benda
pe! rtama yang dicari
oleh
wanita ialah siapa yang berdiri di sebelah buah
hatinya,kemudian
barulah
dirinya sendiri.

21. Bekas teman lelaki akan sentiasa ada di
fikirannya tetapi lelaki
yang
dicintainya sekarang akan berada di tempat
teristimewa iaitu di
hatinya!!

22. Satu ucapan 'Hi' sahaja sudah cukup
menceriakan harinya.

23. Teman baiknya saja yang tahu apa yang
sedang dia rasa dan lalui.

24. Wanita paling benci lelaki yang berbaik-baik
dengan mereka
semata-mata
nak tackle kawan mereka yang paling cantik.

25. Cinta bermaksud kesetiaan, ambil berat, jujur
dan kebahagiaan tanpa
sebarang kompromi.

26. Semua wanita mahukan sorang lelaki yang
cintakan mereka sepenuh
hati..

27. Senjata wanita adalah airmata!!

28. Wanita suka jika sesekali orang yang
disayanginya mengadakan
surprise
buatnya(hadiah,bunga atau sekadar kad ucapan
romantis).Mereka akan rasa
terharu dan merasakan bahawa dirinya dicintai
setulus hati.Dengan i! ni
dia
tak akan ragu-ragu terhadapmu.

29. Wanita mudah jatuh hati pada lelaki yang
ambil berat tentang mereka
dan
baik terhadapnya.So,kalau nak memikat wanita
pandai-pandailah...

30. Sebenarnya mudah mengambil hati wanita
kerana apa yang dia mahu
hanyalah
perasaan dicintai dan disayangi sepenuh jiwa.

saje je nak post benda ni sebenornye..kuikuikui...aku rasa ada yang betulnya...tapi tak sumer aa kot...because ntah aa...nak kate betul..macam mengada-ngada je...bukan nak sangka buruk..tapi..betul ke pompuan mmg camni?....aku rasa takde aa kot...takde aa sampai ngada2 camni...aku rasa pompuan lebih cekal daripada apa yang disampaikan...pompuan senang cair?...tu aku rasa betul la kot kalo dah jumpa lelaki yg dia suka...lelaki pon senang cair gak...haiii..macam2 aa pompuan ni...takde lainnye pompuan ngan lelaki....setaraf je sumer....so...gadis2 dan wanita2 kat luar sana tu...jangan kata lelaki kena pandai jaga hati pompuan je...pompuan pon kena pandai jaga hati lelaki...sumer org berhati lembut...tak nak mengaku je sebenarnya...bukan pompuan je berhati lembut...lelaki ada gak...so..basically aku tak suka aa benda2 camni berlegar kat friendster ni....cam..menunjukkan lelaki tak pandai amik ati pompuan...aku tak tau aa..tapi mari sama2 kita renungkan...aku dah penin dah...cam lari dari topik je..hoho...saje je nak post panjang2 hehehe....

arghh!!!

had 'that' dream again last night....damn...it has been 3 times this week...this can't be happening...it's becoming more frequent...i don't feel like that anymore....why does it have to appear in my dreams???....arghhh...the dreams are becoming clearer and clearer every passing day...i don't know what this means...but maybe i do...it's just i don't want to believe it....

ganbate ne iruhamu san!!!...

yess...i just figured out a way to catch up on my studies...and it was a great plan...my mom suggested it though...oh, well...that's my mom for you...never know what she has in store for her children...thing are getting a little bit easier since i changed my study habit..now i have more time playing video games!!!...nah..why play video games when you could sleep early at night...yokatta!!...i slept at 10 last night and it was really refreshing waking up...and i already submitted my lab report for physics...eventhough it was due tomorrow...wahahaha...that's a new record for me...i hope Kevin will give me the extra point that he promised...because i need that..i'm not doing to well on my lab report..hehe...that's all for now...time to read the physics textbook(urgghh!!)....heh..

Bored...

hey..nuthin to do..just wanna post sumthing just before my EECS 233 class..well..nuthin much to say actually...just that i just finished my physics test and it was like getting tortured by Hitler of sumthing...it was damn hard!!...well, there is another three tests for me next week...ENGR200 and MATH 223 whinch is both on the same day..damn..why did they have to schedule the tests like that?...and EECS 233 which i have no idea when the test is going to be...well..let's just hope that i have the time to study for all the subjects..heh.

starting from the left: hamzah, bob(me), zul...wanted to post a picture with enip in it but i didn't have one..heh..the quartet of CASE...enip's not in this picture...the guy on the far left is amir...don't know what he is watching though...girls perhaps?..heh

that's EZ...and her father which is my brother of course..aaa....kawaii 

this is my favourite nephew..Iman Haikal..i'm like his nanny or sumthing..hehe..miss him so much 

really miss my nephews and nieces in malaysia..heh 

stupid, dumbshit, god damn, mutherf***er...

sitting in front of the computer and doig nothing...that's my typical saturday night for you...tonight is sooo boring i could die of boredom....went to lake eerie...whoops..erie today for the Camar picnic...just a typical malay picnic...people came late...eating as much as you want...play games that could get your shirt dirty and stuff...cool...but...something was not right at the end of the picnic..suddenly felt that i have lost something....usually i would not care if i lost something...hey..i've lost so much things in life that i just couldn't be bothered anymore....one of my esteemed collegues is going to leave CASE...yet again...Hamzah is already gone...damn...felt like i lost a big brother there for a while...i didn't even had a chance to say goodbye....feels like my life is crumbling...alas..the one that i could talk to has gone back...i think that i'm being pulled back into the abyss yet again...just felt weird that time after the picnic..i don't know why....and some absurd stupid asshole fucker had the nerv to crack up a stupid joke at the wrong place and the wrong time...it's fortunate that i was taught by my father not to strike the first blow....if not....i would have ripped his tongue out of his fowl mouth...don't need to mention who....

i know everyone looks at me as a nice, likes to swear(heh..) and helpful mr. gentleman....but...people don't know what i've been through...not hell...because that's the worst case scenario....more like 200 spaces from hell..or more...if everyone wants me to be mean...i could...if everyone want me to be a slapstick comedian who talks bad things about his friends i would...i could be the nicest, gullible guy..if you let me...but i could also be a dangerous inconsiderate asshole as well....if someone pisses me off really bad(i'm not easy to piss off)...

heh..suddenly thought about my father...great man...never hurts anyone..not even a fly...that's my mother's job...i don't get how he could be so calm and how he could spread the calmness around...after he passed away...i started smoking...heh..told everyone i smoked since form 1....i lied....since standard 3 actually...but i quitted when i was form 1...then started again when my great-granma passed away...she was one of a kind too...106 years old(i guess)...she help me through a lot...gave me a ton of advice...and i'm still holding on to them...

i'm in a state of desperation here....feels like i could not breath here anymore...but hey...what do i expect?..this is college...live through it...people say that the best stage of life is in college or university..but to me...the best stage of life is high school...heh...never had a dull moment when i'm in high school...

~you can treat me like shit, but i'm still gonna treat you as a friend~

what the $#%@!!!

arghh!!...my ankle and knee hurts like hell..just finished playing basketball at North side...i hope it's not the old injury...or i'll be a cripple..literally...damn..why does this has to happen now?...arghh...hurts like hell!!!....i guess i just have to rest it for the rest of the weekend...but being a stubborn lad like myself..#^@% it..i'll play anytime...

bought a new basketball...a nice one too...the grip is incredible...well..no use talking about the ball when this blogger is about me right?...didn't do much today..went to eat at jet's house...played soccer(well...not really)....played a little b.ball....and still didn't do my data structure assignment...arghh..what's happening..sigh...alright...i guess that's it for now...want to go eat something...i'm really, really hungry....

arghh!!!!...my brain is f**king fried!!!!

damn!..it's hard being a CASE student!!...(but it's worth it...trust me)...too many homeworks, assignments and projects to do and not to mention the exam's difficulty level...just finished my physics hw...well..not actually finished yet..but that could be resolved later...hmm...planning to go to cedar point this weekend...please let it be a pleasant trip...not like the last time i went there...argghh!!my head is like going to explode with all this assignments...thank god that monday is a day off...

the only good thing about returning to CASE this fall is that i had already resolved my relationship problem...if you could call it a problem...no more staring at something and saw her face...nope...yes sir..i'm in control of my sane mind right now...thanks to the workload and some high volumed system of a down tracks...well...i hope that this semester will move smoothly..not like the last...hopefully..

watashi wa Irihamu des..heh

hah!...clases has begun!!..and what better way to start the first week than writing my blogger...haven't written anything in a while...to busy with classes and everything else...taking 18 credits this semester which is the limit for my university and my current CGPA ( 3.1...if i had gotten 3.2..could get into another class...damn!!...heh)...it had been a hectic week i can tell you that...fortunately this semester there is a class that i truly liked ( not like previous semesters where i hated all of them..)...that class is JAPN 101...yes people..i'm finally taking japanese..yayy for me!!..wanted to take this language course since i was a kid...it all started when i watched the Kamen rider series back in malaysia ( it was translated into Malay then..)...i asked my brother why kamen rider's mouth was not coherent( big word!!!) with his voice..he said it was originally in japanese....so as time flows by( and a hundred episodes of ultraman, cybercops and other late 80's japanese hero movies..)...i wanted to understand the language that these guys talking in...when i first heard the language(when my uncle came back from Japan finishing his studies) i liked it..it had rythm and i started collecting japanese anime, comics ( in malay of course because i don't understand japanese then)...well..now here i am, pursuing my dream..hehe...ganbate ne!..

aisey...kalah lagi...menang?!!...arggghhh!!

hmm...man utd lost yesterday...but all is not lost...wait until the full squad comes back...then we'll see who is losing..arsenal won...damn....%#$@ it...well...what can i say...what can i say...3 more days..i hate going back to cleveland now...i just think i'm still not ready for the new semester...haiii..target 4.00!!!!

Today is Saturday...

yes boys and girls...today is saturday..and the start of another season of EPL football...soccer to all you American fans out there...and today is also the start of another season of EPL Yahoo! fantasy football ( which i delibrately quit midseason..)...my hope for this season is that Manchester Utd will win the Treble again...i know it is a far-fetch dream but hey, it's not wrong to hope now is it?...well, wish you luck Man Utd...hope you'll win the Treble again...yeah!!

9 days left

this is it..9 days left until i board a plane back to cleveland....heh...heard so many stories from the guys that stayed in cleveland and from those stories, i think i'm a little bit afraid to go back..yeah..me...afraid...a word i seldom use actually...well...the atmosphere in cleveland is changing...i'm changing...and i'm just afraid if i can't cope with it..my gut tells me i can cope with the 'changes' in cleveland but my heart says i can't...just have to find out for myself now...but it's partially my fault actually..i'm not gonna lay down all the facts here...let's just say i was too stupid to understand myself..i'm really getting wayyyy to far from my topic here...

oh yeah...just came back from taiping a couple of days ago...wanted to attend a wedding but my senior and i were a wee bit late...when we got there they were already finished cleaning up...wish i had my perdana back then...then i could wizz through the highway at 160 km/h and would be in taiping in a flash...but my mom would let me drive unless i have at least 3 frens with me...yeah2..i'm a momma's boy, so what?...her advices are the things that got me in cleveland...so i just obey them that's all..it's for my own good...well...if she saids so...it was her advices that restrained me from.....nah...don't want to talk about it...bad thing to do..i always say..dwelling on the past...i have to move on..nad it's hard..

all was not lost in my trip to taiping...got to meet badut...hanging out with badut, amet and jet was really...i don't have the word to describe it right now...just hold on to that thought...but i really felt guilty for blurting out something that annoys jet...sorry...i'm really, terribly sorry...at that precise moment i was acting like an idiotic fool blurting out stupid things...i don't know how to make it up to her....well....time will heal it...but...i really felt guilty...even dreamt about it too...i'm feeling it right now...oh well..

i think that's it for today...jeez...9 days left...it has been 2 months...still can't forget...still can't..

i hate this...

i hate this...three words that are suitable to describe how i am feeling right now...i thought it was over...i thought i should just forget it and get it out of my head...but when i'm ready to let go..it comes back to haunt me...telling me that i still have a chance to score...but i know deep inside i just want to forget it and let it all behind in the past...but somehow..i can't...it just catches up with me all the time...i hate this...i really do...when i had given up all hope...suddenly a ray of light pierced through the darkness and when i feel certain that i have been given another chance...the light just vanishes and i'm left alone in the dark...it happens all the time...to anyone who understands this....good for you...

~i hate false hope...how about you?~

Kenapa?

what is this?..why does it always happen to me?...why doesn't it happen to someone else?...why?why?why?...why can't i be trusted?...well...i hate this....fuck this....i'll just go on with my life...



~a life of an adventurer is never easy...nor does a life of a teenager~

ayak!!..apsal tetiba sakit ni?

just heard an anoying rumor yesterday...and stumbled upon some ewww facts...two unhappy thoughts in one day..now that's got to be my best personal record...wait2...nah..i've been in worse conditions before..well..it's not my decision..it's His will...so i' just sit back..and pray for the best...

to buy or not to buy?...that is the question

yesterday...i stumbled upon two pair of shoes that caught my eye...one was jumpman jordan LX2..the other was non other that King James footware...the new Air Zoom Generation...those two shoes entered my dream last night...but the problem is their both above RM400 which is equivalent to US 1++.++...so if i bought both of the shoes...i would be spending what...about US 250?...damn...i really love those shoes...but i also want to buy a new computer..arghh...this is bad...but it could not hurt if i just bought one of those shoes...but i can't decide...both of them are nice...if i go for the cheaper shoes mode...then it would be the LX2 because it's cheaper by RM 100...and those shoes are acceptable to wear to class...hmmm...now there's a thought..why would i waste an extra hundred just to buy shoes that you could only wear to play b.ball?..hmmm..i ned more time to think about this..hehe

i love you..ai shite ru..saya cintakan awak

well...those three words are to me the hardest thing that a person could tell to another person..well it's like you want to tell her but you have your doubts...what if she doesn't like me?..what if she reject me?...i've been through all this...i gathered all my courage(i don't know where that came from) and asked the girl that i like if she would be my girlfriend(i didn't ask her exactly like this..that would be really....dry)...and i got the answer that every man in the world is afraid to hear...."you know you are a nice guy but i don't see a future in us"....ouch..now that's not nice is it...i know that i'm a little to young back then to express my feelings to another human being....but there is a reason for me to do that but i didn't have anything to interpret my behavior until i stumbled upon a story that my fren posted on frenster(thank god for frenster!!)...and here is how the story goes....

 
10th grade: As I sat there in English class, I stared at the girl next to me. She was my so called "best friend". I stared at her long, silky hair, and wished she was mine. But she didn't notice me like that, and I knew it. After class, she walked up to me and asked me for the notes she had missed the day before and handed them to her. She said "thanks" and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I wanted to tell her, I want her to know that I don't want to be just friends, I love her but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why.

11th grade: The phone rang. On the other end, it was her. She was in tears, mumbling on and on about how her love had broke her heart. She asked me to come over because she didn't want to be alone, so I did. As I sat next to her on the sofa, I stared at her soft eyes, wishing she was mine. After 2 hours, one Drew Barrymore movie, and three bags of chips, she decided to go to sleep. She looked at me, said "thanks" and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I want to tell her, I want her to know that I don't want to be just friends, I love her but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why.

Senior year: The day before prom she walked to my locker. "My date is sick" she said; he's not going to go well, I didn't have a date, and in 7th grade, we made a promise that if neither of us had dates, we would go together just as "best friends". So we did. Prom night, after everything was over, I was standing at her front door step! I stared at her as she smiled at me and stared at me with her crystal eyes. I want her to be mine, but she isn't think of me like that, and I know it. Then she said "I had the best time, thanks!" and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I want to tell her, I want her to know that I don't want to be just friends, I love her but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why.

Graduation Day: A day passed, then a week, then a month. Before I could blink, it was graduation day. I watched as her perfect body floated like an angel up on stage to get her diploma. I wanted her to be mine, but she didn't notice me like that, and I knew it. Before everyone went home, she came to me in her smock and hat, and cried as I hugged her. Then she lifted her head from my shoulder and said, "you're my best friend, thanks" and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I want to tell her, I want her to know that I don't want to be just friends, I love her but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why.

 A Few Years Later: Now I sit in the pews of the church. That girl is getting married now. I watched her say "I do" and drive off to her new life, married to another man. I wanted her to be mine, but she didn`t see me like that, and I knew it. But before she drove away, she came to me and said "you came!". She said "thanks" and kissed me on the cheek. I want to tell her, I want her to know that I don't want to be just friends, I love her but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why.

Funeral: Years passed, I looked down at the coffin of a girl who used to be my "best friend". At the service, they read a diary entry she had wrote in her high school years. This is what it read: "I stare at him wishing he was mine, but he doesn't notice me like that, and I know it. I want to tell him, I want him to know that I don't want to be just friends, I love him but I'm just too shy,and I don't know why. I wish he would tell me he loved me! I wish I did too... I thought to my self, and I cried. i love u...i love u...i love u...i love u...i love u...i love u...i love u...i love u...i love u...i love u..."

you see...i don't want my feelings to be dormant and in the end i'll regret i did not tell the one i love that i really love her...but because i was 18 and i seldom think about the other side of the coin...i was finally being heartbroken by the girl that i first had my eyes on...well years past and i thought well...it was worth it...hey better to have loved and lost than never being in love at all..but now i'm having some kind of phobia with this kind of thing..i'm afraid of rejection...but hey..i took it with a head held up high once...why can't i do it again?...because i hate rejection...just like everybody else....well...girls always say that they are the ones who suffers when a relationshp doesn't work out...well don't you know how many guys kill themselves after they broke up?..well..more than you girls i reckon...girls are fragile..yes they are..but we guys have our pride...how could we even live if we can't even hold together a relationship...some of the guys can move on...but others can't...so...goodbye cruel world..heh

aisey....demam balik..penin2...

aiyoyo...my fever came back...now that's not a good sign is it?...went to the doctor and he told me that my body was still weak from the chickenpox infection..so it was just a normal flu...that was a relief...if he had said my chickenpox has risen again..i'm going to be speechless...well..have to recover quickly...don't have much time left..only 1 month to go until i'll go back to the U.S...arghhh...really don't want to go back yet..feels like there is so much that i didn't do...oh well..guess just have to accept it...

aisey.kena marah lagi...

i was scolded by my mother yesterday...because she found a picture of me and jet riding a roller coaster ( sorry jet!!)...told her she was only a friend but..well, you know parents..too protective..she went on telling me that i should study first..bla bla..get my degree first before getting a girlfriend..bla..bla....and that was what i did...i always respected my parents..always following their orders...when i just bend them a little, she goes haywire...well...i'm already used to all the long hours of scolding and yelling...when i am being scolded it's like listening to music...i could sit there for hours pretending to listen to music from flop poppy for all i care...because i'm already used to it...people don't know this...but scolding is how my mother communicate with me...well not all the time..but most of the time...when i just bend the rules a little...bam!!...scold...got second instead of first..bam!!...scold again...got 3.5 instead of 4.0...bam!!..scold again...and again...and again...i'm not saying that she hates me..she loves me..i know that..she loves me with all her heart...i know she is just having a lot of pressure because i'm her last hope for getting a son that could get 1st class honors..my brother could..but because he was lazy he got 2nd class upper..my mother did.t show it but i know she was devastated...that's why i just keep my cool whenever she scolds me..eventhough sometimes my blood boils when she scolds me...i just go to my room ad listen to some music to cool it off..i'll never scold my mother back...NEVER...because she is the only one that i have now...after my father passed away..well..hope i could keep my cool for another 3 years...because that is how long i have before i get my degree...heh

Outbreak!!!

It's been a long time since I've written my last blog...Just came back from performing the umrah...so this blog has not been updated for two weeks...well, that's not the only thing that's bothering me..when i was in makkah i was infected by chickenpox...arghhh...
 
it was a horrible experience...i didn't eat for 5 days because my mouth was infected by bacteria so anything that i swallowed was painful as hell....so my main dish was water...plain old water..and some zam-zam water as well..and some medicine...that's all i ate for 5 days...and i was paralyzed on the bed..could even move my body to the restroom...have to get some help from my sister or my mother...my face was covered with chicken pox until it was bloated up like a balloon...i even couldn't recognize myself when i looked in the mirror...my fever was 39 Celsius...the doctor said if the temp was raised another Celsius, i would have fainted...i was brought to the hospital and the doctor injected me twice...twice!!..and the nurse inserted a needle in my arm to let water or antibiotic (i'm not sure..) into my blood to cool it down...
 
so, here i am feeling better..but sometimes i feel terrible too..people looking at my scarred face...i felt weird...maybe this is my punishment for being so arrogant (?)..anyway..this is punishment...for what i don't know but i'll accept it with arms wide open (macam lagu la plak!!)

new skin...pretty cool..hehe

got a new skin for my blogger...cool isn't it?..just need to browse blogger.com to search for new skins...heh...it was really worth it..now that i know how to obtain new and cool skins...i'll change skins once a week!!..yeah right..i'm not that hardworking...

nuthing much today...just went out to pay the bills and everything...that's my job when i came back to malaysia..being the errand boy...well..what can i say...i'm the only one who is free at home..pay the bills, do the laundry, put my little nephew to sleep( and i'm getting good at it too ;) )...all those stuff..well, it's better than just sit around all day right?...and the profit is great..for instance..mom gives her atm card, told me to withdraw RM 1000 to pay the bill when the bill is only RM 600...the change is used for some groceries and stuff..so i end up with somewhat RM 200 change..and all of that went into my pocket..it's not stealing..my mom virtually gave it to me..she said clearly..pay the bills etc,etc,etc. and keep the change :p...hehe...life is good..for now..

coffee anyone?

i stumbled upon an interesting story about life and i thought that i should post it here...


A professor stood before his philosophy class
and had some items in front of him. When the
class began, wordlessly, he picked up a very
large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to
fill it with golf balls. He then asked the
students if the jar was full? They agreed that
it was.
So the professor then picked up a box of
pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook
the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the
open areas between the golf balls. He then asked
the students again if the jar was full. They
agreed it was. The professor next picked up a
box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of
course, the sand filled up everything else. He
asked once more if the jar was full. The
students responded with an unanimous "yes."
The professor then produced two mugs of coffee
from under the table and poured the entire
contents into the jar, effectively filling the
empty space between the sand. The students
laughed.

"Now," said the professor, as the laughter
subsided, "I want you to recognize that this jar
represents your life. The golf balls are the
important things--your family, your health, your
children, your friends, your favourite passions--
things that if everything else was lost and only
they remained, your life would still be full.

"The pebbles are the other things that matter
like your job, your house, your car. The sand is
everything else--the small stuff.

If you put the sand into the jar first," he
continued, "there is no room for the pebbles or
the golf balls. The same goes for life. If you
spend all your time and energy on the small
stuff, you will never have room for the things
that are important to you. Pay attention to the
things that are critical to your happiness. Play
with your children. Take time to get
medical checkups. Take your partner out to
dinner. Play another 18.

There will always be time to clean the house,
and fix the disposal.

"Take care of the golf balls first, the things
that really matter.. Set your priorities. The
rest is just sand."

One of the students raised her hand and
inquired what the coffee represented.

The professor smiled. "I'm glad you asked. It
just goes to show you that No matter how full
your life may seem, there's always room for a
couple cups of coffee."

~but my life seems too be empty...heh~

atas nama cinta...

hey...hey..hey...it's been awhile since i've written my last blog..don't know what to write..probably confused about the title ehh?...it's nothing...just a song that i love to hear from flop poopy..and there are other songs to that i think will be my favourites...one of them is hey mama by black eyed peas...that tune is wicked..i loved it...first time i heard it was when i was watching larry king live...the black eyed peas was performing on that show and the song that they played was hey mama...and i was eventually hooked...heh..tried to search for the lyrics on the net but didn't find them..oh well..just have to hear the song a zillion times to get it right heh...

my 3 months is almost up..and i have not found the answer to my problem...i have to find it fast...i don't have time..

~it feels like shit if time is not on your side~

"apa gunanya mata kalau tak dapat melihat?...apa gunanya hati kalau tak dapat menilai?"

"eyes are useless if you can't SEE what is going on...a heart is useless if you can't CHOOSE what is right for you"

bloody hell!!!

i'm just going to say 5 words...gerrard and heskey are stupid...england was leading until sven goran erikkson made a mistake(to me) by replacing rooney with heskey...that was just plain stupid...heskey should not be in the squad...he shouldn't be playing international soccer..he sucks..if it wasn't for his stupid challenge on zizou, england would have won the game...damn...but...all is not lost...pistons won the 4th game..stupid lakers..hahahaha...at least one of the team that i like won today..and that was ok to me...haha...

Euro kickoff!!

euro 2004 has begun!!...and i was sleeping when greece humiliated portugal in front of their own fans 2-1...i wish i was there in front of the television to see all the action..sigh...oh well..tonight is when the real euro 2004 starts..england vs france...now that is a match worth staying up all night for...i will not miss this match..i hope england wins..don't like france...it's true they are one of the most skilled teams in the world but...i don't know..they're arrogant..when they play..it's like they saying to the other team...you're no match for us..we are better than you...we are the most powerful team in the world..that is why they lost to senegal in the world cup..they were overconfident...too arrogant...

people say england is a pussy team..got one goal and they quickly defend their territory..not trying to score another...come on...when did they do this?..when opposing brazil right?..it's brazil for crying out loud!!..it was already in the second half...and you're saying that england should keep on attacking after they got one valuable goal from the almighty brazil?...the english players will call you crazy and the mexicans will call you loco...they are facing brazil!!...it was pure luck that given them the goal..they SHOULD defend it...not go searching for another...that is just committing suicide...owen's strike was not a nice taken shot..i can tell you that..i just hope that they could get perhaps a draw..a win would be fine too..heh..i hope they could show france that arrogance will get you no where...pires had the nerve to say they could defeat england 3-1?..why not 3-0?...what's the 1 for?..sympathy?...yeah right..he just put the 1 there to say that if england scored first..they could counter attack 3 times the damage...i like to see that..heh...i like to see that indeed..

Nande kore??

arghh..another boring day in my life...my relatives visited the house today...didn't concern me though...i just hang around in my room listening to my new cd i bought...the new flop poppy album...i'm really into their songs..damn...i'm becoming a casanova!!!... oh well..if you can't beat them then join them is what people always say...there is this one song that really catches my attention...it conveys how the singer feels about women..and surprisingly, the title of the song is "Women"..heh..ironic isn't it?

Wanita
by Flop Poppy

Wanita tercipta menghiasi nurani
Bagaikan indah bintang bintang malam

Manisnya ku damba
Kau persona duniawi
Yang membelai pangkalnya kerinduan

Jangan kau lupa hadir mu untuk ku
Aku lelaki hidup apa adanya

Jangan kau tanya hadir ku di sini
Sempurnakah aku tanpa mu

Setiap wanita diiringi naluri
Seluas harapan yang tak bertepi
Pahitnya ku rasa takkan ku mengalah
Bukan bererti aku salah

my thoughts exactly..hehe..(if you understand the song)

haha...are you serious??

http://www.love.2loop.com/...a website i found in my friendster buletin board..it was rather fun doing it...here's the result

One sunny summer day at lieutner you see the most beautiful creature you have ever seen. Their name is , and every move she makes just turns you on more and more. You nudge your best friend rashid and say, "Wow, that has to be the most attractive body I have ever seen." Suddenly, she looks in your direction and starts walking right towards you!!! she says, "I noticed you staring at me from over there. I just had to tell you, that I think you are so handsome , and was wondering if you'd like to go to library with me and talk ?" With a stupid smile on your face you say, " fine " and go with them. When you finally get to library , she moves closer to you, and gives you the biggest kiss ever. The two of you are passionately kissing, when you feel a book hit you on the back of the head. You open your eyes to find out it's all a dream, but there is a note left next to your bed.

It reads: " is the love you've been waiting your whole life for. she will ask you out in 18 days or less, but only if you send this e-mail to at least 10 people within the next few minutes. The more people you send it to, the sooner they will ask you out, and you both fall in love. Do not take this lightly, because if you simply ignore this, you will have bad luck in love for the next 18 years!"



i'll keep the name to myself thank you..heh

fewwwiiitttt!!!

argghhh!!!..today was a hectic day!!...went to KLCC just to eat sushi...my sister was begging me to bring her there...obviously i ate a lot..and i'm getting fatter and fatter everyday...argghh...i hate it when i eat too much...but i just can't help it...maybe i lack the hormons in the brain to tell me to stop eating..sigh..after that, went to toys r us...bought something for my nephew and niece...on the way back got scolded by my mother..somrthing that i don't look forward to this summer vacation...i hate it when she starts scolding me...her method is the same everytime...first she warms up her laser gun with sumthing sarcastic and then when you make a wrong reaction she fires her laser cannon with all the juice shes got...sigh..luckily i have developed a natural shield..so i don't get upset when she scolds me..hehehe

got to hear my "sister"'s voice yesterday..oh my god...it was so sweet..so "manja" gitu..hahaha...but she's already taken...sigh...why is it that all of the girls that i like already has a boyfrend?...sigh...oh well..just have to keep on searching..sigh..hope i'll find my dream girl..i thought i've found her..but i guess that was just my male hormons going berserk...heh...but who knows..maybe i'll find "her"...when the time comes...but i don't think i can wait that long...time is not on my side...

~ i wish i had time...but in reality i don't ~

surprise?

i was quite surprised yesterday when i watched harry potter and the prisoner of azkaban..i didn't expect they would left out so many scenes...my frens say those scenes were not important but to me those scenes were the scenes that makde the book so exciting..hell..the movie was dull to me..for a person who has read the book..if i didn't read the book..i might be able to enjoy it but be puzzled just after i got out of the cinema..who made the marauder's map?...who was padfoot, mooney, prongs?...those questions were answered in the book but not the movie...sigh...

going out again today..don't know what to do..feeling empty...as always..don't know what to do next...well..i'm sure i can think of sumthing......maybe not...sigh...

lalalalala...

just got a new handphone...so i'm supposed to be really happy right now..but i'm not...don't know why...sigh...well..just have to contact some of my old buddies now..don't now if they even recognize me anymore..heh

missing Cleveland...

With..I've only left Cleveland for a couple of days and I'm already missing it...heh..It's fun coming back to malaysia and all..with all the feasts and reunion with my relatives..but there is just something missing..i don't know what it is..but i feel incomplete...heh..maybe its just my imagination..

it's confusing...for me to like someone that i thought of as a fren before..but i don't know...when i first look at her..she's just like any other girl that i know...cheerful, talkative..heh..not my type of girl..but as time flies by..she has become more beautiful in my eyes..well...maybe it's because of the lack of girls in the university...but i think that's not it...well...3 months to figure it out...3 months....

~3 months...still have time to think...i hope~

god...please help me...i'm confused...

heh..can't sleep...i don't know why...maybe because i'm just too anxious about this going back to malaysia business..oh well..this is the perfect time for me too write this blog..

today was another shitty day for me..i stiil get the feeling that i'm not welcome here...in this university..with my frens..they just see me as a loud, uncool, don't have anything to say, boring guy who is just here to study...whenever i am with them it will always be quiet..it's like i'm some sort of disease and it will affect them if they interact with me..i just can't take it anymore..do you know how it feels when there's a hot conversation and when you try to join in the conversation just dropped dead?...it's frustrating...i hate this..i really do..and they have the nerve to call me selfish?...who's selfish now m*t**r f**k**r?..huh?...i know i'm not atractive like the other guys in my batch...guys like soul, nuar, judein, se'dul and momon...but i'm still a person...so please..treat me as one...don't go sour face on me when you see me and go all mushy when you meet the other guys...don't go graveyard silence when i walk by and chat like old ladies with fresh gossip when the other guys walk by...don't look at me like an escaped convict from alcatraz and look at the other guys like they were a famous rockband...i just wanted to belong...i just need your trust...is that something so hard to ask for?..every night i ask myself why...why do i have to go through all of this?..i know it's life, but shouldn't life gets better when you truly wish for it and worked hard to improve it?...my life just gotten worse...i tried to talk to my frens more..tried not to show a face of a convict..tried to be talkative and what do i get for that?..."bob, ko sihat tak ni?"("bob, are you feeling well?")..shit..it doesn't matter if the other guys made a lousy joke or make a total fool out of themselves....hey, what can i say about it?...they're COOL....yeah right...can't even do their own homework without searching the internet for the past year answers...i'm not saying that i'm better...i'm just stating that i should be treated equally as the others...right now...i feel like i'm only the guy who they knew back at INTEC...nothing more...they don't know my father already died and i grieved over him for 3 weeks and had always been dreaming about him until i was 13...they don't know what i have been through my life without a father...they don't know my mother had to work her ass off everyday to send her children money in the united kingdom...they don't know how hard it feels to see your own mother crying in the middle of the night praying to god for the well bwing of her children...they don't know shit about me..they just know me as "bob"...a guy that's rich and likes to lend money to his frens in need....they just know me as the rich boy....rich??!!...i'm not rich..i just want to help you guys!!...don't you see that?!!...to tell the truth..my family is just a mediocre family with lots of problems that people usually see on television...brother getting married with a girl that she doesn't like and his mom scolded him like hell...relatives taking drugs...brother involved in a school fight and nearly got kicked out of school...they don't know "ilham junaidi ismail"...a guy who is trying his working his ass off everyday to get everyones recognition...a guy who tried to be frenly with people...a guy who tried to lead a fresh start...already tried to tell them..but they just prefered me as "bob"..well...i just don't get it...i just don't know why i'm treated this way..it felt like i'm losing a bit of my sanity day after day...i can't take this anymore...if it wasn't for hamzah, zul, had and enip...i would have been insane by now..they helped me a lot...especially hamzah...he always visit my room...initially to study calculus but ended up chatting for hours and smoking a cigarette or two..enip who always have time to hear my problems and play b.ball with me eventhough he already has a girlfren to be with...zul who is like a brother to me...hadri who taught me a little b.ball and hang out with me...they all are important to me...they pulled me up from the abyss everytime i went into it...well..long story short...i loved my batch..but, if they treat me like shit...then i don't give a damn..f**k them..f**k them all...

Home sweet home...for now..

yeah!!...just got back from the midwest games..it was really a blast!!..case won the gold medal in womens ping pong single(i think..) and bronze in men's pingpong doubles and volleyball which i played...huhu...it was a great result. not to mention the agony and pain of intense running from the volleyball to the basketball court ( i played both of them..although i did not have the time to play basketball....hehe)...anyway, all is well and i came back home to cleveland a happy person..

met a lot of old frens there....man, the midwest night was like a party gone wild!!..frens meeting frens...boyfrens meeting their girl ( i don't have one though...sigh)..met my old buddies from intec..man that night bring back memories..heh..

going back to malaysia tomorrow..can't wait for that..haven't packed up anything yet...arghhh!!!...going to do the packing ceremony tonight i guess..i just hope that i'll wake up early tomorrow morning :p..


balik kampung..OoOoOoO...balik kampung..hehe

huarrgggghh...

just woke up...i just slept for 4 hours..now that's a record...haven't slept that little since hamzah came and chatted with me in my room...oh well..

going to minnie today..hope it would be a blast!!...

damn...

finally got the clock working right..heh..just need to adjust some things....anyway..

can't sleep today...don't know why..maybe the girl's whisper were too loud..i don't know...really in a bad mood..saying stuff that i hated to hear..what the hell..well...life goes on doesn't it?...i hate when people judge me and they turned out to be wrong...don't they know its just stupid to judge people...it's ok if you're good at judging people...but to just blurt out and say someone is selfish when they don't know the guy is just pretty damn stupid..i'm not selfish...i'm just quiet...i'll listen if you talk to me..besides, i don't have to talk when there's nothing to talk about..i don't know..maybe i am selfish..but i don't think so..well...let them say what they want..they don't know me..i'm just a foreigner here..no one here understands me...sigh..i wish i have frens that could really understand my feelings...like in the old days at high school..man, those were the days...well, can't dwell on the past now can i?..just have to look forward to my future..and i don't think that it's a pleasant one...

still...i really miss those days...sigh

a roadtrip we will go...

well..it's already 1 in the morning...don't know why the time of the blogger is all messed up..looks like i have to write what time i'm writing my blog..well...anyway..

tomorrow will be the starting point of my journey to minnesota ( if that is the correct spelling :p)...i'm really anxious about this trip..having a couple of tournaments there...basketball and volleyball for me and other sports for the rest of the university..i don't even know if i have the strength to play both..well..we just have to see now won't we? i guess it would be a pleasant trip..because the car i'm in is officially the smoking car( yeah baby!!)...

heh..just sent a msg to a girl that i have a crush on..don't think that she likes me though...it was getting along well when suddenly i found out there are 2 other casanovas who want her...well..it has given her a little pressure..so the right thing for a gentleman like me to do is just back off and give her some room to breath...i don't buy the 'best man win' crap..it's just not right to treat a girl you like as a trophy...i just want her to be happy and i don't care if she likes someone else...as long as she's happy, then i'm happy...sigh...a load of bullshit don't you think? all of my frens say that i'm a coward becase i backed off...but i don't see it that way...she's human too...so she has the right to choose..if she thinks i'm not mr right than it's fine by me...hell..she could choose my sworn enemy if she thinks he's mr right..sigh...

well..better get some rest..it's going to be a loooooong journey tomorrow...cleveland to minnesota..damn..

but then again...i wished she picked me...sigh...

oro?

it's already 9 p.m now...just finished playing basketball..nuthin to do right now..that's why i'm writing this...i'm starting to like writing this blogger thingy...heh

i thought that i could release some tension after playing a good round of basketball..but there will always be something that makes my head boil..i came back from basketball and realize that i'm missing two cigarettes..shit..i hate when someone took my things and didn't tell me..it just pisses me off..it's ok if he took just one...but 2....2!!..well..can't go all angry about it...i just hate that guy..wanna know who?..well..just a guy who i hate the most here in my community...heh...he's the biggest hypocrite that i had ever met...he always do things that could benefit him...and doesn't care about other people..enough about him though...don't want to spoil this blogger with his filth...i hate myself for being to kind to people..especially this guy..oh well..what can i say..it's just me..

shit...

damn...almost forgot that today's my brother's birthday..oh well, guess i have to call him later today to wish em. ahh..feeling fresh after taking a bath..i guess how are the others doing?..all of them are still asleep i guess...lucky bastards...they are so carefree...not like me who is such a worrier....well..what can i say..i got it from my mother...always want something to be as perfect as possible...when you already know that nothing in this world is perfect...well..better wake them up....it's not healthy to sleep all day..yeah..like i'm no different...

hehe..my first blog..

well...just found out about this blogger thingy from reading a posting from my friend...could be interesting writing things just for the fun of it. well, i don't want to think of this blog spot as my diary. i already have a diary. it has tons of secrets that i don't want to write here. i just think of this blog as....hmmm...a place where i could just blurt out things that are not too personal. well, here goes...

today i woke up a wee bit early than usual...don't know why but i think the loud music on the computer has something to do with it. my fren feezul was chatting with his friends. not much of a scare there...funny thing is i can't go back to sleep..so i surfed the internet when he was finished with his conversations...i found something that bothered me...this blog thing...it was my fren's...i learned that she had hidden so many things from her frens...not awful things of course...she is hiding her own problems when she is known as a problem solver and the cheerful one among her frens...i really wanted to do something for her..she has all this problems and she's still smiling over it...she's strong..really strong at heart..but sometimes even the strongest at heart can't go through the day alone..that's what frens are for...she really needs someone to talk to...she had someone...our senior here...but he already graduated...so i really feel sorry for her..well..all i can say is that i will be there for my frens if they need my help....i feel terrible when i read her blogger...it feels like i've been the worst fren ever..not knowing about your frens trouble and try to help..i just feel awful...but it is her choice...if she does not want to talk about it it's not my right to know..but...i really want to help...

heh..talked to much about someone else..well..don't really know what else to write about....i'll just stop here for today..

it sad knowing that you can't help a fren that needs you....